She tastes like you only sweeter

2009-06-09T13:07:00.000-07:00

Boom boom pow! says:
u read, but never tag..thanks ahh

Jérr Lee says:
hahaha
paisey ah nak tag

Boom boom pow! says:
nnb..nak paisey ape?

Jérr Lee says:
confirm i the last one to tag
and the tag will forever stay there one

Boom boom pow! says:
hahah
knn
ur paranoid

Jérr Lee says:
hahaha
eh tkpe ah
at least I READ ok
unlike you

Boom boom pow! says:
beh klau nak gi public toilet, takot ah nak pegi..nanti be the last one out of the cubicle, ppl will noe it was u

Jérr Lee says:
*rolls eyes*

Boom boom pow! says:
hw to read when ur fonts are so small

Jérr Lee says:
no one complain sia
and that skin i use so long alr

Boom boom pow! says:
becuase they dun wann hurt u

Jérr Lee says:
nie confirm dah nak dkat 1 tahun tak visit my blog
yela
gua kan sapa

Boom boom pow! says:
either that or those people who 'read' ur blog do not read ur blog
they just come to tag so as to make u think they 'read' ur blog
at least, i am truthful and say..eh i cant see ur font sia
eh i read sia!
nnb

Jérr Lee says:
hellooooo. my bestfriends reads my blog ok
where got you read

Boom boom pow! says:
oooo...liddat one ahh
now ur putting me on the spot

Jérr Lee says:
because its true what

Boom boom pow! says:
okla, how bout the others
ur bestfriends dun wan to hurt u
like i said..
refer above

Jérr Lee says:
your head lah
if they dont read, how come they ask me questions?

Boom boom pow! says:
either that, or they realli had place their nose onto the comp screen when they read ur blog
haha
they ask random ques which coincidentally revolves round ur posts
haha

Jérr Lee says:
WHY YOU LIKE THIS TO ME SIA.
sudah ah

Boom boom pow! says:
HAHAHAHAAH

Jérr Lee says:
tkya bacer. no need visit my blog anymore

Boom boom pow! says:
im gonna post this up

Jérr Lee says:
post lah
posttttttttttt

So this the one of the most funniest and irritating conversation I had with my dear MSN buddy anisah the Emo-kid-hip-hop-freak-baby-siao-minah-cinah-rep!. It's fun irritating her nowadays as she dun get pissed off like before, when she was worst than Emo-kid-hip-hop-freak-baby-siao-minah-cinah-rep!. So hope you didnt take things seriously my friend. =)

Anyways, it's been a long time since I chatted with my primary school buddies. haha. recently I finally got the chance to double click on Farah's nickname at MSN and we did had a good laugh about something adequately serious. About my accident, which was supposed to be a serious topic, which turned into a hilarious matter. Anyways, Farah has been the one who have always entertained my nonsense since forever. haha. And even now, she can play along with the trash talk and even come up with her own lame quirky jokes out of the blue. Haha. Meet up soon dear friend! Don't 'besarkan perot' lagik ok! Haha.

NS check-up on the 29th, I hope it goes well. I believe I have neither any serious illness or anything. Oh gosh, if it's possible I would love to be enlisted the day after the check-up. I'm bored sitting at home and goin to work, going through the mundane life of work. Haha. Well, sometimes we all feel useless when we don't do anything which is fruitful for ourselves and the people around us, and that gives you that pissed off feeling towards life. Life can be great, but you have to go through piles of shit to have a great life. So basically, you suffer young and when you're old, then you're able to have a 'great life'.

For fuck sake, when I grow old, I won't have anything to do because my bones will be all fragile and I won't have that energy to party or anything! I ca only get my CPF reimbursement when I trun what? 55!? WTF! I would have kids by then, and all that money will go to my kids to support my family and all. Not that I feel forced nor disgusted by the fact that the kids are being a burden to me, but it's all facts. We all want to enjoy and have a carefree life when we are YOUNG, ENERGETIC, ECSTATIC, FULL OF IDEAS, AGILE AND ETC...

Not when we are OLD, WEAK, FRAGILE, BRITTLE, DROOPY-EYED, BORING!

So fuck it, I'm gonna make full use of whatever I have now to the extend of exhaustion and hyperventilation! I don't give a fcuk! Hahah.

2009-05-10T10:28:00.000-07:00

"I hate guys who are motherfuckin liars and treat girls like some cheapo!! Fuck you guys, I hate you! If you think I'm a cheap slut, den please click the X button! Fuck off!"

Funny thing is that, this came from a profile of this girl who take pictures of herself while showing her cleavage. Also, purposely uploading a picture of herself from the back, which shows her undies/g-string/thong and her bra strap. Plus, wearing skimpy outfits and biting her fingers or sticking out her tongue to show her tongue piercings. Ohhhhhhh....

So you hate people treating you like a cheap slut eh? But I'm confused, if you don't want that kind of attention, then why do you have to present yourself which such an image? It's human nature, guys see girls wearing and posing like sluts in her profile pictures, shes a slut. Fuckable. Simple as that. Can't accept that, blame our essence and the human nature.

Its like dancing in a club with an unknown girl intimately and asking her to sleep with you after, only to receive a reply like this..

'WHATTTTT?!?! *GASPS* Excuse meeeeee, doesnt mean I am dress this way, I am a slut! Do I look like a slut to you?! Omg!'

Yeah bitch, you do look like a bitch. You rubbed your ass against my dick at the dancefloor and now you suddenly repented or something?

Its the same like, imagine me, a normal person walking on the street BUT in a police uniform. And someone comes running to me and asking for my help.

Guy: "Help!! Helpp! Someone is beating up my brother!! Come on sir, helpp!! Follow me!! Cmon!!!"

Me:"*GASPS* OMG! Excuse meeee sirrr...Doesnt mean I am dressed this way, I am a police officer!!!"

So yeah, you get my grip. So sluts of the cyberworld, if you want people to stop treating you like dirt, go and remove those slutty pictures and upload pictures of kittens or babies and have captions which describes how cute they are. So yeah.

Chao!

2009-05-05T15:26:00.001-07:00

Please la fatfucks. You're so fat, yet you posting up pictures of you posing so provocatively and showing those round pieces of blubbers as if they are gonna spill out of your skimpy clothes! Your arms are so friggin huge, I think they are bigger than my lil bro's thighs! When you are wearing those tanktops and spaghetti straps, those fats and extra skins are buldging out of your armpits!

And if you think taking pictures of you while you are sweating turn people on?! Come on la, you look like a whale/sealion which is stranded at shore! And don't you get it??? Those guys who commented and complimented on your pictures are either being sarcastic or just plain BLIND!

And watsup with your eyebrows?! Are those supposed to look like cockroaches legs or the hook of a hanger?! Why shave everything off and draw a curved line on ur face?! You think what? Art and craft ah?! You look like MOMOK sia!

Chibeiiiiiii............

2009-04-07T00:47:00.000-07:00

Alrightey. A summary to this month. You may know I withdrew from NYP and decided to transfer out to an arts course in RP, but even RP wouldn't want me. Evil right? I know.

So now, I laying all hopes on Lasalle. Applied for Diploma in Film Studies. If things don't work out, then I would have to shave off my head bald and serve the nation. -.-

As for work, work has been fine. Except for the weekends, even there are people ordering burgers at 4 in the morning. Thats the time whereby the corridors are so dark and the void decks so silent you can hear a pin drop. You know the atmosphere at Ang Mo Kio right? Especially at night. Trees everywhere. Those tall trees with vines drooping low from their rigid branches. You can feel theres so many pairs of eyes clicking on you when you walk along the carpark which sends shiver along your sweaty spine.

So yeah, thats work. Soooo...

Interview for Lasalle is in a few days time, and I hope I get into the school. Preparing the portfolio is such a hassle. I have already completed 4 of the 10 artpieces which is to be presented during the interview. I've been drawing hands, trees, maori butterflies, no-sense and imaginary art. But I'm more into those Hippie arts, full of bright colours and unpredictable. Every piece carries the message of love, which I find maybe beautiful but ugly at the same time. The irony and the contradiction between this two fascinates me. Thats why..

I've been 'school-less' for almost 5 months ready. I really miss school. Seriously. Even if I get into Lasalle, the school would only start on 3rd AUGUST! Therefore for the meantime, I would have to send burgers and be a riding slave to Ronald Mcdonald.

I would post my artpieces soon if I feel like it. Haha. So chiao.

2009-03-14T14:44:00.000-07:00

Alright now, unable to update due to work lately. Been working hard, 8-12 hours a day man. I barely have time for myself. It's like

WORK
SLEEP
EAT
WORK

So yeah. In case you're wondering where and what do I work as, I send burgers. Mcdonald burgers. AHAH! Yeah, at Ang mo kio la, dun ask me why so far from my house. Work is fine, the crew and riders there are great, only a handful whom I am not fond of.

I get goosebumps whenever I work during the midnight shift. In the lift alone, walking along the dark corridors ALONE, walking up the flight of stairs ALONE, walking at the void deck ALONE, passing by huge trees ALONE. Haha, you get the idea.
I just can't wait for my first pay in this job, have alot of things I need to do with it.

Today is my offday, so as per norm, woke up at around 7pm because I was working the night before from 10pm to 9am, so yeah. Last minute plan to watch movie at cineleisure. Kung fu chefs? Good movie, not great, just moderate. Common storyline, heroes won't just die won't they? Watch if you're bored.

This post getting so boring and lukewarm, will update again when something exciting or thrilling crops up. To those who tagged at my tagboard and visited my blog, thank you for doing so, but am sorry this post is mundane.

=(

2009-02-18T06:33:00.001-08:00

From this to....

THIS! Now I regret cutting my hair. ARGH!!!

2009-02-11T08:05:00.000-08:00

Momma please stop cryin, I can't stand the sound
Your pain is painful and its tearin' me down
I hear glasses breakin as I sit up in my bed
I told dad you didn't mean those nasty things you
said

You fight about money, bout me and my brother
And this I come home to, this is my shelter
It ain't easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, you'll see
I don't want love to destroy me like it has done
my family

Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't
leave

Daddy please stop yellin, I can't stand the sound

Make mama stop cryin, cuz I need you around
My mama she loves you, no matter what she says
its true
I know that she hurts you, but remember I love
you, too

I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away
Don't wanna go back to that place, but don't have
no choice, no way
It ain't easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, well I've seen
I don't want love to destroy me like it did my
family

Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't
leave

In our family portrait, we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, let's act like it comes
naturally
I don't wanna have to split the holidays
I don't want two addresses
I don't want a step-brother anyways
And I don't want my mom to have to change her
last name

In our family portrait we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, act like it goes naturally

In our family portrait we look pretty happy
(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
(I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do
anything)
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)
Let's play pretend act and like it comes so
naturally
(I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't
leave)
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
(I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't
leave)

Daddy don't leave
Daddy don't leave
Daddy don't leave
Turn around please
Remember that the night you left you took my
shining star?
Daddy don't leave
Daddy don't leave
Daddy don't leave
Don't leave us here alone

Mom will be nicer
I'll be so much better, I'll tell my brother
Oh, I won't spill the milk at dinner
I'll be so much better, I'll do everything right
I'll be your little girl forever
I'll go to sleep at night

=.)

2009-02-02T11:51:00.000-08:00

Hello people. This will be a common line for me to start a post, so here it is again.

It's been a long time since I blogged. =)

Anyways, its 4 in the morning and I couldnt get myself to sleep. It may be the new sofabed, or it may be the uncomfortable pillows, but I know thats not all to it. Something is missing in my life. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm sure it's something big. If you have noticed, this blog of mine is usually filled with posts full of negative emotions which oozes such pathetic outcry of mistakes and regrets I have in life. I regard this blog as a place for me to express myself and I thank those who even bother reading them.

It's not that I am seeking for sympathy or I am a constantly troubled person who don't know how to have fun or look at the brighter side of life, but sometimes the worst things in life come to us in huge masses. Let's face it, we all do make mistakes and regret them repeatedly over and over again and when we want to atone for it, we dissapoint ourselves and dissapoint those whom we laid hopes on. I'm currently in that situation and I hurt one's feelings so much that the person wants to be immune to being emotional. Lets call this individual H.H.

H.H was a softhearted person who is gullibly innocent and sweet. H.H loyalty and honesty was essential to the relationship. Never did H.H once committed a huge mistake only minor ones. But I had to kick a huge fuss over it and always made H.H look bad and feel guilty. I restrained H.H from the reality of life and the other things life have to offer. Maybe it was my over-protectiveness, but I realise now it affected H.H so much H.H is hurt deep inside. Even so, H.H endured it, and I swear, it took such patience to tolerate this treatment. H.H had flaws too, but I tried my best to smoothen the edges just to make H.H a better person. I was harsh, but at that time, as long as it shows results, I will do it. I steered H.H away from things which may ruin H.H's image and confront those who tried to be funny towards H.H.

I don't give a damn if that individual get bloodied, as long as he don't bother H.H. I remembered one time, H.H was mixing with the cousins, whom for me are considered as incest bastards, came to my uncle's shop to indirectly test my patience. How I vividly remembered how one of the cousin gave me a slap on my back, as a 'kind' gesture. I knew it wasn't a good intention, but I restrained myself from giving him a slap on the face instead. I wanted to kick the teeth out of them and see them bleed and cry while I stomp their head while they're biting on the kerb. Both of them may look tough, but their sissy voices gave that look away. I don't give a damn if they're involved in the underground society, as long as I get a beatdown on them and see them toothless or even armless or fall limp, I will get this sense of sick satisfaction. If they wanted me to get angry, I would, but I controlled my temper as I wouldn't want myself to go back to that path of life which I left some time ago. I wouldn't stoop myself lower. I know better, they're just, as they call it "Budak-budak baru naik. Fanatic". Thankfully, I managed to talk H.H out of it and she agreed to it. And believe me, it took such a long time for me to convince H.H.

But, now I realise that H.H was just trying to mix around with family. As that was my reason for us to take a break. Family. No matter how incest or how stupid they are, they're still family. H.H was distraughted. I just shoved H.H out of the way for my family. Not even thinking twice about how H.H may feel about my decision. I failed to realised family and relationships are just as important. I was reckless and selfish. Even so, H.H tried so hard to get closer to me, but ultimately I would push H.H away. How stupid I was. So stupid. Even when my actions were unintentional, it hurts so much when I put myself in H.H's shoes. Ironically, I don't blame H.H for trying to be immune to this game. And not replying those messages. And being so cold hearted now and turning a cold shoulder like how I did before towards H.H. Even when I did, H.H never gave up, H.H constantly sent me messages to remind me of sweet memories on rainy days and funny moments and antics on such bad timings which still made me carve a smile which I rarely do nowadays. How H.H would cut the hair and wear sweet smelling perfumes to grab my attention, and how H.H made those funny cute voices whenever we were out, those were the memories. Sweet ol' memories. All those little things H.H did for me, I fail to notice and she would keep the dissapointment to herself. Yet I was stubborn, still having my head buried in this problem of mine which ruined everything for me. How I wish I could make things better with a snap of the fingers. I was blinded from everything I once cared for. All I did was focus on this problem and finding ways to solve it and hoping things would change. There were empty promises and hopes in this problem, which arises every now and then.

Everyone promised to change but never did. Things turned for the worst. Even my studies flunked, my social life sucks and I suffer from much insomnia and sometimes I feel myself blowing up inside without anywhere or anyone to turn to. There were deaths of a few of my loved ones in such a short time. That rubbed salt to the wound badly. I couldn't think straight but kept it mostly to myself. I started hanging out late at night as confining myself at home makes me feel worst. I never feel like going home. Not even now. But everyone tries to make things look normal and be jolly about it but at the same time, if you look closely, you can see through our smiles. We're all cracking inside. A short conversation about our dissapointment would end up with tears brimming in the eyes. This part of my life I would call,

'Dilipidated hopes, dreams & love.'

We all hope for things and sometimes pin it up too high. When it isn't fulfilled it takes such a long time for us to bring it back down to earth. Dreams, I realised are just dreams. Those sweet and heartwarming scenes in the movies are fictious. It can never happen in real life. Dreams are just dreams, nothing can change that. Love can hurt and if you are lucky it can make you feel elated most of the time. Love isn't just about those 3 words, or those big anniversary celebrations, it's more to it. It is about trust, mutual understanding, patience, perserverance, courage, loyalty, honesty and also compromising. I learnt that by looking over my shoulders now and only to realise it a minute too late to change things. Regret won't bring anything back, it just makes you feel so much more shittier and useless. Life isn't a bed of roses and I had to learn it the hard way. Even when the family seems fine, there will always be a problem to ruin everything. It will happen at the most unexpected time. So it is best if you treasure whatever you have now and do whatever you can to secure a bright future, academically, emotionally, financially and most importantly the household. Even things which I looked forward to before this problem, are nothing to me now. Nothing matters. I don't know what still does now.

I just feel theres nothing else to be done. Let nature takes it's course. You may have things to look forward to, but for me, even those normal things which one usually hope for such as an outing or a happy gathering or owning a bike means nothing to me now. I feel so empty. The house feels empty. Life feels empty. Almost everything and anything don't work for me anymore. I may laugh at your silly jokes, but will forget it a few seconds later.

I hope I proved a point with my personal experience. It may not be in depth but playing along the surface is just as fine.

2009-01-02T01:56:00.000-08:00

Happy new year fuckfaces. Brand new year, brand new start, same ol' shit happens. Oh well, my new year's resolutions are,

-Ignore whatever negative comments people may have about me, especially THOSE I DON'T KNOW PERSONALLY AND LOVES MAKING BLIND ACCUSATIONS/JUDGEMENTS ABOUT ME.
-Try and look on the brighter side of things.
-Study harder.
-Get a bike.
-Trip to Auckland.
-Be a stoner. (=P)

But most of my past new year's resolution weren't fulfill, so yeah. I guess I'm just making a new list just for fun.

So Happy 2009. Cheerios!

2008-12-20T03:10:00.000-08:00

Lets Stay Together - Al Green

I, I'm so in love with you
Whatever you want to do
Is all right with me
'Cause you make me feel so brand new
And I want to spend my life with you

Since, since we've been together
Loving you forever
Is what I need
Let me be the one you come running to
I'll never be untrue

Let's, let's stay together
Lovin' you whether, whether
Times are good or bad, happy or sad

Whether times are good or bad, happy or sad

Why, why some people break up
Then turn around and make up
I just can't see
You'd never do that to me (would you, baby)
Staying around you is all I see
(Here's what I want us to do)

[Repeat to fade:]
Let's, we oughta stay together
Loving you whether, whether
Times are good or bad, happy or sad.

2008-12-12T02:34:00.000-08:00

Been bloghopping around lately. Just hafta point out something that caught my attention. I find it damn ridiculous and so hypocritical.

She seems so obsessed with a certain guy. Suddenly the next post is about another guy, and another, another and another.

Wowwwww...Living in your own fantasy and bragging about how he looked at you. Whining about why he didn't start a conversation with you and curse him for nothing. WTF?

Lame ass shittttttttttttt.

2008-12-02T10:26:00.000-08:00

Time check 2.25am.

I just can't sleep. I think too much. Maybe I think too much about the future. Thinking about the future scares the shit out of me. I have this mindset whereby, whatever you do now, will affect you in the future, whatever drastic decisions you make now will secure yourself somewhere you would not know instantly.

Sometimes I wish I do not have this habit. Some may say it is good, as it makes me think about my actions and it's consequences. Yet they don't realise it's too much of a pressure and I can blame no one else but myself. Before I sleep, I think alot. Think about what I have been doing is enough to secure me a good future, is it enough for me to at least make both my parents proud of me, or is it enough for me to be stable.

I think so much, I came to realise it may lead to something else. Something I wouldn't want to happen. I just need to stop thinking so much. I hope someone can tell me how. Or someone who I can take my mind off things.

Let it come naturally, never force yourself. I got to keep that in mind. I hate myself for nothing.

Thats fuckin' funny, no? Fuck.

2008-11-28T02:49:00.001-08:00

Stop hating yourself. Cause I know someone who don't.
Stop running away from your problems. Cause I know someone who wants to help you.
Stop pretending. Cause I know someone who can see right through you.
Stop living in an illusion. Cause I know someone who wants you in his dreams.
Stop scowling so much. Cause I know someone who fell in love with your laughter.
Stop frowning so much. Cause I know someone who adores your smile.
Stop blaming the world. Cause I know someone who is willing to take the blame to make you happier.

If only you open up your eyes, you will notice there is someone who will always be by your side. He is near, never far away because he wants to hold you. To guide you and help you through good and bad. He wants you to notice him. If only you knew how much he cares for you.

If only.

2008-11-22T05:23:00.000-08:00

Even celebrities get bored. Look at this video. Justin Timberlake and some other comedian doing the darndest thing. Cracked me up. Fcukers got himself in a spandex and highheels/pumps? LOL!

Enjoy.

2008-11-17T09:40:00.000-08:00

This part of my life is call "@&#&(@%(&!(@%^#^&&!&"

I feel so fucked up right now. Everything and anything feels so shitty. Always feeling so negative and sluggish. School life isnt working out so well. In fact, I'm starting to lose interest in studies. I just feel like locking myself in my room for months. No stress about anything and everything.

Anyways, last Saturday I went to celebrate my friend's birthday at phuture. To cut the story short, I realised 90% of the dancefloor are occupied by men. It's friggin ridiculous, seeing how hard those men are trying to salvage ladies from that 10%. It made them look so desperate and stupid. Some of the girls love the attention, while some tried their best to squeeze out of that pithole of 'dicksrubbingagainstmyass'.

I can't dance for nuts, so I just sat at the bar and drank some Shirley's temple and the classic ol' coke(non-alcoholic).

Stoopid, just so so stoopid. And I wondered what the fuck I was doing there? If it wasn't for my friend's birthday, I would be at home snoring soundly.

My throat hurts. Muthafucker. Damn the weather. I think my thyroid glands not working well. Since I'm always feeling like crap, I guess that must be it. A simple blood test might resolve the problem and probably be on medication for life. LOL!
I don't know about you, but something must definitely be wrong. I can't be feeling this way for such a long time. I understand some people have their bad and good days, but in my case, it seems like everyday is a bad day! Sometimes for a reason I may understand, while most of the time I feel pissed for nothing. Strange huh?

Love is such a complicated game. It really is. If you once held someone so dearly before, it will always come back to haunt you one day. Even the smallest things that were left behind would mean alot more than ever as time goes by. Even the smell of his/her skin would remind you of everything you both once had. Her smile will always stay with you for another year which revolves over and over again. When you think you've moved on, you realise you're actually living a life which you can never leave behind.

She once had this scent, which I would never forget. I'll always have a soft spot for her. :)

"I feel fine and I feel good
I feel like I never should
Whenever I get this way
I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for the final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say
Every time I see you falling
I'll get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for the final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say"

2008-09-29T12:59:00.000-07:00

The Diary of Richard Kruenx

It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it make the whole environment gloomy and restless. The streets are filled with different shades of mushrooms brisking in every direction when I looked from my apartment window. She called and she said she was coming up. Eventhough I never wanted to see her again, I carried her excuses to meet up at the nearest sundry store around the corner of the street. There she was, standing there alone, with her red umbrella hooked on her forearm. She was shivering like a leaf due to the heavy rain. She look so fragile and weak in the harsh battering rain, wearing merely enough to provide warmth.

I walked up to her and said, "We shouldn't be meeting anymore." and all those words on how we should never see each other. She replied, "I really miss you."
I told her with a cold tone, "Let's go".
She didn't open up her umbrella, and I knew she wanted to share mine.
I retorted her actions, "Open up your umbrella and let's go!"

Unwillingly, she opened her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She told me she didn't have her lunch nor dinner and asked whether we could stop by a place to eat. With a stoned heart I replied with a firm "No". Dissapointed, she asked me to walk her to the train station so she could take the train home.

Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what she meant. I understand how she must feel when she came all this way here in this kind of weather and I treat her like this. With her soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let her stay for the night.

But reality crept back in and I said "Let's try another train station".

We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having living together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After she graduated she went back home, and I stayed for one more year to finish school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured relationship.

We were walking by the side of the busy road, with me behind her. Her umbrella had a broken spoke. She was like a wounded soldier, helplessly carrying her rusty rifle around. She was lingering so much in thoughts, she wandered to the road and nearly got hit by cars. I wanted to take her in my arms and provide comfort, but with such discomfort in my stomach and that much love for her, I did nothing. Eventually, we passed by this certain park filled with memories that we once love to spend time together.

She begged and said, "Lets go in the park just for a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this."

With her begging, my cold heart softened, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked in the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I wanted to leave. She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for something. I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago. If I remember it right, it said, "Richard and Susan was here, Richard had tea and Susan was drinking hot chocolate. Hope Richard and Susan would always remember this day, always loving each other, forever." She was looking around for quite a while in the rain looking so helpless with her broken umbrella till she came back slowly with tears on her face.

She said, "Richard, I can't find it, it's not there anymore."
I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain, flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before. But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?"
I opened up my big black umbrella, she was just standing there, didn't want to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance. She said, "You made up the story of you and that other girl didn't you? I know I frustrate and be a pain to you sometimes, but I'll change, I promise we will never have silly arguments ever again, can't we start over?"

I didn't say a word, just looked down and shook my head. After that we just kept on walking towards the train station, didn't say a word to each other. Only the sound of cars whizzing pass and the raindrops battering against our umbrellas were heard.

Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again, and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until six month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened me again. First I thought the pain would go away, but it grew stronger until to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot, which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life, but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide.

But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially Susan, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. Susan was still young, she shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years's feelings. I didn't have much time, because I would soon start to lose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding, this drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.

The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there, waiting, losing our last moments in silence.

I saw the taxi from far away, I held my tears and said to her, "Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself."

Her other hand was flapping slightly, hoping for one last hug. But I ignored it and squint my eyes towards the taxi. Her lips shivering, her eyes brimming with tears, only her senses forcing her to hold back those tears infront of this cold hearted being. The person she loved the most and never thought it would turn out this way. Countless thoughts were running though her mind. She blamed herself for this downfall, maybe it was all her fault. All those silly small incidents she always made a fuss about or maybe it was all her whining and complainings got the most of her beloved boyfriend. She blamed herself for everything. And she can never forgive herself.

She didn't talk, just nodded lightly, and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for her and she got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring in the dark window, at the first love in my life, also the last one, walking out of my life. The car started, driving into the street.

Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer, waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi, because I knew, this would be the last time I see her. I wanted to tell her I still love her, I wanted to tell her to stay, I wanted to tell her so much, but the taxi had already turned in the corner. Warm tears kept falling down my face, blended with the cold rain drops. I was cold, not because of the rain. I was cold inside.

She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today. I know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not Richard.

I'm that girl Susan, penning down my our last memories in his diary I found after one year since he left. Richard, I will always have you in my heart. I love you, forever.

Yours forever and truly,

Susan Mcgrue.

2008-09-26T12:15:00.000-07:00

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
eh helmi

Helmi says:
ah

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
asal masa tu si kawan fathin tibe2 confront aku over a matter months ago?

Helmi says:
asal ngan ninja?

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
aku tak tau ah eh. dorang pikir aku hafsumthi ntowards gf kau ke ape. blang dorang takmo merepek ah. dier gf kau, tkkn aku nak mcm2. lagi2 sedare aku

Helmi says:
asal nie?

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
kau cube tny fathin

Helmi says:
sape drg?

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
mana aku tau

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
tibe2 kol aku pagi2 bile aku ngah tido

Helmi says:
huh? aku lagi mane tahu...

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
kau cube tny gf kau

Helmi says:
tanye ape?

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
tanye asal tetibe masa tu kawan dier kol aku, confront aku pasal hal merepek

Helmi says:
hal merepek ape??

Helmi says:
ape yg kau mepek?

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
kau tau kan dulu aku kenal fathin thru frendster, beh kiter plan nak gi al ameen
makan for supper ngan kwn2 kiter pasal kiter tgl dekat..

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
tapi tk pernah terjadi ah, pasal slalu plan lambat,

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
tkkn aku nk kluar ngan fathin malam2..

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
den dpt tau fathin matair kau, and dier sedareaku jugak

Helmi says:
k den?

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
so dorang confront aku pasal hal ni yg terjadi 6-7 bulan lepas

Helmi says:
drg? kawan2 die?

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
last 2 days

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
aku tk tau ah sape

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
kau cube tny fathin

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
smpai skarang aku tk tau apa motif dorang

Helmi says:
ape die drg ckp? drg approach kau kat mane?

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
otp ah

Helmi says:
ouhh...alar ape kau kesah?

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
tak ah..buruk2kan nama aku siak

Helmi says:
ape yg buruk nah pasal name kau tu, Farhan?

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
kawan dier ckp 'i want u to delete her contact in msn and everything'

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
wth sia?

Helmi says:
Farhan ok pe

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
tk ah helmi. aku nga serious ah

Helmi says:
chill uh

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
aku tk suke ah org tuduh menuduh aku sembarangan

Helmi says:
kau ajak die kluar ramai2 ke 1 on 1? aku dah ngan die ke tak?

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
ramai2 la

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
aku ajak kawan aku, dier ajak kawan2 die

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
itu pun tyme aku tk tau dier gf kau

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
kalau aku tau, tkkn aku nak ajak matair org keluar sia

Helmi says:
kire kau dah tau yg die ade mataer uh? asl lah kawan marah plak?

Helmi says:
ouhhh

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
lagi2 gf kau sia

Helmi sent 9/24/2008 3:04 AM:
abeh skrg kau nk aku tolong kau tanye die?

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
aku cum nak tau apa motif kawan die?

Helmi says:
cume*

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
yea

Helmi says:
k kau jap

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
kalau kawan dier online kepe, fathin online kepe, invite to this convo

Helmi says:
fathin jus went offline tadi

Helmi says:
oklah farhan....

Helmi says:
now aku mintak maaf uh...on behalf kawan2 die

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
tk..tk pasal

Helmi says:
aku explain kat kau

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
aku cume nak tau apa motif dier?

Helmi says:
gini uh cite die

Helmi says:
kau chill uh dude

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
k

Helmi says:
k...kawan2 die sees that aku ngan fathin can really bond uh

Helmi says:
ntah lah. how true

Helmi says:
so tat day...last week ke hape lah

Helmi says:
found out tat ade tis guy trying to contact her

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
siak uh. aku tk pernah sms dier atau chat kat msn since march ke april sia

Helmi says:
then drg marah...as in scared tat anything would happen between the two of us

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
asal of all ppl aku yg kene?

Helmi says:
bukan kau lah...sabar lah

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
ah den den?

Helmi says:
cause fathin is girl who's scared to say 'no' kind of girl when ppl ask her out tau

Helmi says:
so they took the initiative of clarifying all the guys yg pernah contact ngan die uh

Helmi says:
den i think they go arnd like what happened to you

Helmi says:
sorry uh farhan

Helmi says:
no hard feelings k

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
siak uh..perangai makcik2 pe...

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
makcik2 pun kalah siol

Helmi says:
hahha

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
dorang tak tau pe aku ngan gf kau related?

Helmi says:
mane lah aku tahu

Helmi says:
cos they made fathin confess all the guys

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
otak kawan2 fathin mati sia..dgr2 dorang yg bela ngan beranakkan si fathin

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
hah

Helmi says:
end up kau pon included

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
kk. ade jugak eh org2 macam gini..

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
kk tk pasal ah helmi..no hard feelings..since aku dah tau citer..k tkpe

Helmi says:
kau serious kau ok?

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
ckp ngan kawan2 dier, kol bapak fathin skali k

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
lagik bagus

Helmi says:
sorry uh...

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
kk...its ok helmi..kau tk bersalah

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
kk thanks thanks

Helmi says:
pasal maybe yg kau ajak die kluar, die dah ngan aku tapi die tk blang

Helmi says:
cos die ckp die takot

Helmi says:
but she dont wna meet

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
ah..aku lupe ah..tapi sicne aku tk tau yg kau bf dier..maybe dier tk ckp ah

Helmi says:
die pon pelik uh

Helmi says:
org leh kate tat fathin's not a filial gf and all uh

Helmi says:
but she is

Helmi says:
hope so...

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
kau jage dier bebaik sudah...tis is when trust comes into play uh

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
and make sure she doesnt abuse ur trust

Helmi says:
trust is comes with actions uh

Helmi says:
true uh ape yg kau ckp

Helmi says:
i'm jus sorry abt wat happened uh

Helmi says:
seriously, i dont expect it to happen

Helmi says:
didn't*

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
tk ah

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
kalau kawan2 fathin continue wat they're doin eh

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
rabak ah

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
confrim fathin will feel 'rimas'..

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
ckp ngan dorang, kalau takot sgt, gi advertise kat newspaper skali

Helmi says:
ahahha

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
beh kol datuk, abang/adek sedare, bapak, pakcik2 fathin skali

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
kalau fathin nk gi toilet, make sure cebokkan skali..

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
kla helmi, luperkan sudah hal ni...ahah..

Helmi says:
ok...seriously paiseh uh

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
aku wish kau and fathin the best ar..advise kawan2 dier tkmu nak be so
'over-protective'..

Helmi says:
aku dah suro

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
fathin tu dah 19 tahun..bukan 9 tahun..

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
nanti pasal dorang, kau yg kene..

Helmi says:
aku kene ape?

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
dorang bukan menolong, menyusahkan org

Helmi says:
sort of uh

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
nk tolong, ade limit jugak..

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
pakai otak, jgn pakai bontot nak fikir..ahah

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
kla helmi, aku dah nak k.o

Helmi says:
kk

Helmi says:
pape text aku uh

Je t'adore. Bright young thing, says:
oraite oraite..take care

Ok. After that incident, I decided to have a chat with Helmi, the bf to Fathin. So yeah. Whatever I feel about the explanation and all are all in the conversation. Its ridiculous to have such friends. Yes, your intentions may be good, but you have to realise you don't have the rights and please get your facts right.

Just because you have a small evidence which happened ages ago, and you decided to rake it up and incriminate a certain individual blindly, I believe you're the one who should 'go and die now'. :)

Plus, who the hell are you to place such judgements on me and try to 'resolve' a matter that didnt't even take happen at the first place? Stop trying so hard to help someone, instead try harder to help your ownself before you get into some serious shit.

FUCKERS. _|_

2008-09-20T20:16:00.000-07:00

It's 11.16am exactly and what the fuck am I doing up so early? If you must know, some fucking bitch was the main reason to all this. If it wasn't for her, I would be sound asleep right now. Here's the story. The most ridiculous experience I have ever encountered. Childish and stupid in many other ways as well. Bloody bugger, waking me up early in the morning with a fuckin' stupid reason.

Ok guys, let me tell you what all this rant is all about. Let me take you 6-9 months back. Sorry I can't recall the exact moment, cause I never gave a flying fuck about the 'first time we met'. I didn't jot it down on my notebook to remind her about our 1 month/year anniversary. So go FUCK YOURSELVES!

Anyways, 6-9 months back, before the start of my miserable polylife, I met this certain person through friendster. As usual, added her up, cause' thats the motive of friendster? So yeah, and got to know she lives near my area and coincidentally we were talking about foods when we were hungry.

Sooooo, with no hidden motives or whatsoever, I asked her out for supper at al-ameen. What? You think I'm gonna bring her to a dark alley and fuck her eyeballs off? Stop havin' such a narrow mindset.

Pfft. And they say girls mature faster than guys. What the hell!

Anyways, to avoid any awkwardness or anything, I told her she could bring her friends along and so could I. She was agreeable, but too bad it was already past midnight and I understand girls shouldn't stay out so late. Therefore, after asking her out a few times(>4 times) I totally forgot who the hell this girl was in my MSN contact list because we did not chat for a long time.

Maybe both our MSN nicknames are not stimulating enough. Pfft.

Anyways, when school started, I met a senior of mine, named Helmi. A very nice guy whom is always in his own world, plus he asked me whether I know 'Fathin'.

'Fathin mana sia? Pasal saya tahu quite a number of Fathin.'

And he narrowed it down for me and thats when I realise its that girl I added at friendster. That al-ameen girl. So I asked why he asked me that question, he told me

'Oh tak. Si kawanku ini cakap tentang kau. Dia cakap kau isap rokok. Kau isap rokok kan?'

So yeah. After a few smoking session, got to know Helmi is that al-ameen girl's boyfriend. To be added as a bonus, I also got to know, Fathin is somewhat related to me. So it was some funny moment going back to school and seeing Helmi's face when he already knew.

And so, we concluded it was such a small world and I wished them best in their relationship. Never chatted with anyone of them since.

Yet for no rhyme or reason, I got a SMS from an unknown number which goes like this.

'Doing what?'

And I did not open up that message. Only read it when my phone keeps on vibrating under my pillow. Answered the call, no one speaks, so I simply hung up. Found out, it was the same number which SMS me.

Unsurprisingly, a few seconds later, the same number called up. And this is where the fucked up part starts.

???:"Hello, whose dis?"
Me:"Huh? You called me, so whose that?"
???:*silence*
Me:"Helloh helloh???"
???:*silence*
Me:*hangs up*

I swear it was god damn fuckin irritating! And that bugger called again.

???:"Hello, whhose dis?"
Me:"Who are you? You called me anyways."
???:*silence* "Whose dis?"
Me:"Who are you? I'm not telling unless you tell me who are you."
???:"I'm not telling, because I think you should know."

Wahhhhh. I should know who the fuck you are? Who you think you are?
Marilyn fuckin' monroe or sumthin?!!!??
Don't you have simple good manners/etiquette by just telling me who you are since you're the one who called me? Anyways, back to the convo.

Me:"Urmm. Nope, I don't know cause I shouldn't know. Plus, you sms-ed me at 10.30am asking me what I was doing."
???:"You know Fathin?"
Me:"Which Fathin?"
???:*silence* "I think you should know."

Fucker thinks theres only 1 Fathin in this whole wide world. I should know?
You need to work on your social and conversation skills.

Me:*irritated&sleepy* "No I don't. Whose Fathin?"
???:"Fathin from ******** polytechnic."
Me:"Huh?? wait waitt" *recalling*

I swear I forgot who this Fathin was until she said that school's name. It slowly rings a bell. How could I not remember Fathin??? That al-ameen girl!
The girl this person make it sound as if she won an Oscar or sumthing with her,

"You should know"

Anyways..

Me:"Ok I think I know her. Why?"
???:"I want you to stop contacting her, and delete her number and contact in your MSN list"
Me:"Huhh?? Wat the hell? What did I do??"
???:"You should know" <<<----I swear its getting annoyin. I know. Bear with me.
Me:"I swear I don't know. I never did anithing to her. She's my friend's gf and somewhat related to me. Wat the hell????"
???: *silence* <<<---I think she needed some time for oxygen to enter her thick brain so she knows what to reply next.
Me:"Helloh helloh????"
???:"yaaa. yaaaa. I think you like, asked her for supper or sumthinnnn" <<<---Now she tries so hard to sound smart with sucha fake accent. Pfft.
Me:"Oh yeah. Like months ago? When I didnt know Helmi is her bf. Was that wrong? I asked her out as friends anyways. No way I'm attracted to Fathin."
???:*silence*
Me:"helloh heelohhhh? Wat the fuck!! Helloh! Who are you??? You're the one who sms-ed me"
???:"Oh, thats like trying to tell you off. Yeah. Tell you off."
Me:"Tell me off by askin what I am doing? Wah great."
???:*silence*
Me:"Why call me now, when that incident was like months ago?"
???"Maybe got laggg or sumthin."
Me:"Pfft. Im not in the mood for games la fuck."
???:*silence* *giggles* "You can go and die now." *hangs up*

Wat the fuck? Can you not get anymore childish than this? I was rudely awaken to some rubbish and to talk to a piece of garbage. A piece of garbage which has a fake accent. Cool. A piece of garbage which silenced almost every 6 seconds. I think she lost her point, and always have her similar "You should know" comebacks. This low intellectual individuals need to cut her skull into half and let the oxygen into your brain quick.

Midst all that stupidity, I can feel that they're accusing me of being that typical guy with a hidden motive. The guy who slowly tries to get into that girl's pants. Sorry bitch, I'm not that kind of person. Almost everyone who knows me, know that I don't go around bragging about that or this girl I screwed the other day. Its because

I DON'T DO THAT!

I have enough respect for the opposite sex. But if you try to accuse me of being something I'm not, I guess I have to vindicate myself. And when I do, I may sound harsh, but too bad, you fuckin' deserve it. No one wakes up a person whose sleeping soundly.

It's like throwing a piece of shit on his face when he's sleeping.

Plus, I still don't understand why she called me up now for an incident months ago. She said

"Maybe got lagg or sumthin."

Trying to sound cheeky/funny with laughters squeezed between her words. On top of that, This Fathin is somewhat related to me, so you can't expect me to have a 'malicious' plan up my sleeves or anithing like dat. Plus, I know her boyfriend for fuck sake!!!

If you see me at the streets, do provoke me with your 'You should know' phrase and flip the bird sign.

Then I would talk back with sucha fake accent, it puts Tai-tai into shame. I'll do some hand gestures if you want me to darllllllll'.

I swear if you were a guy, I would GPS your ass and beat the hell out of you in my boxers and 'outofthebed' hairstyle.

Please, grow up.

2008-09-12T10:10:00.000-07:00

He never fail to listen to her complaints. He always been there whenever shes bored, trying his best to carve a smile on that flawless face. Whatever she thought of him may be wrong, he's just putting up a front. If only she could see the real him. The feeling burning deep in his heart, brimming to escape and let her feel the warmth of it. Yet at the same time, he's just being a jester, her court jester, only able to entertain and leave when his 'job' is done.

He understands she had her fair share of heart break. So did him. They're basically on the same boat, but she never seem to notice the time he stares at her and dwell in his thoughts. His illusions that never seem to be able to happen. All he could do was wish and carry her on. Be by her side and provide comfort only as a normal companion. Whenever they converse, his mind lingers elsewhere but his eyes are fixed onto hers. Her imperfections seems impeccable to him. The way her eyes sparkle and her red lips which move gracefully with every words she speaks.

Whenever she ask for his opinions about her appearance, he wish he could say she was too beautiful to be true. Yet, he makes fun of her to hide this feeling. To prevent her from knowing what he really thought. His heart aches everytime he decided to stop his confession.

Those feelings which he buried deep and not sure whether he should have second thoughts about letting it out.

When she has another, all he could do was smile. Fake a smile and be happy for her. Hoping that someone would treat her right. Treat her the way he would treat her. His heart crumbles slowly, but he pick them up slowly, piece by piece just to be able to hope again. Hope she would one day realise he had been waiting for someone like her his whole life. Maybe he's not noticeable enough for her.

He's just too afraid. Too afriad to scare her off. Too afraid to lose everything eventhough what he once had was just little. All he could do now is perch by the window and chirp for her and fly off when she's back to her depressed self, only to come back when he needs to.

How he wish he could be her chivalry. The one to sweep her off her feet. He may have nothing, but he has alot to give. What he went through was almost the same as what she went through, and this makes him want to care and never to break her smile. All he want to do is to make her happy. So happy, that she will finally let go of her past. So happy, that she could start afresh with him.

Unfortunately, her past grips her with such pain. Whenever she thinks about it, it breaks her heart. All he did was to help her back on her feet, but she falls down again just by the thought of her past. Yet, he never stop picking her up again and again. Its just shades of grey of what he would do for her.

All he could do now is just wish and hope. Hope for something which no one thinks is possible. Wish for something thats beyond fairytale. If only he had the guts to say. Everything he feels are just six feet deep. Only if she would help him express his true feelings for her, and they would not only share laughters.

But, maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe they're meant to be just as they are right now.

2008-08-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

Finally, after weeks of mugging, the exams are finally over. I think I did okay for all the papers except for EPC(Electrical Principles and Circuits). Instead of answering the questions, I doodled and wrote lyrics?

Yes, wrote lyrics. I guess things have been hard that I decided to express it through words? Wrote 2 sets of it. So I would just type it down here and I hope it's meaningful enough to be worth reading.

Set 1:

Take your thoughts of him and carry on
Time waits for no one, don't let it pass you by
Wake up with the rising sun and shake those tired eyes
Empty your sorrows and let your dreams fill the empty skies
Cause the world had always been waiting for you
When everything seems to change, everything seems so strange
Just remember I'll be by your side
And if you don't let go, everything's gonna pass you by
Even if the moon lost it's serenity and the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry, I'll bring them back for you someday
Leave your bad memories here and be on your way
Keep your chin up and stop crying your heart out.

Set 2:

It's a blue blue day
Constantly calling you out to play
With your faded smile and a tear in your eye
That is too obvious which you can never hide
There you go
Running away
With your short legs trying hard to carry you away
With your big dress and dirty hair
But the stars are still waiting for you
Yet you keep on running far, far away from here
Cause you don't want people to see

Please don't make her cry
Please don't make her cry
She's just like you, like everyone else
She's just like us, but why can't you seem to tell?

To you, I can't believe
Just because I don't show it, you have to leave
With this tears and redness brimming in my eyes
Why must everything seems to make everyone cry?
Unfortunately, it was never meant to be
But I wish that I could open up your heart and you would see

Please don't make her cry
Please don't make her cry
She's just like you, boy you should know
She's just like you, she still wants you by her side
She's just like you, why did you leave her alone?

Oh, she needs you today.

Till then.

2008-08-04T08:08:00.000-07:00

Well it's a big big city and it's always the same
Can never be too pretty tell me you your name
Is it out of line if I was to be bold and say "Would you be mine"?

Because I may be a beggar and you maybe the queen
And though I may be on a downer I'm still ready to dream
Though it's 3 o'clock the time is just the time it takes for you to talk

So if you're lonely why'd you say you're not lonely
Oh you're a silly girl, I know I heard it's so
It's just like you to come and go
And know me, no you don't even know me
You're so sweet to try, oh my, you caught my eye
A girl like you's just irresistible

Well it's a big big city and the lights are all out
But it's much as I can do you know to figure you out
And I must confess, my hearts all broken pieces
And my heads a mess
And it's 4 in the morning, and I'm walking alone
Beside the ghost of every drinker who has ever done wrong
And it's you, woo hoo
That's got me going crazy for the things you do

So if you're crazy I don't care you amaze me
But you're a stupid girl, oh me, oh my, you talk
I die, you smile, you laugh, I cry
And only, a girl like you could be lonely
And it's a crying shame, if you would think the same
A boy like me's just irresistible

So if you're lonely, why'd you say you're not lonely
Oh you're a silly girl, I know I heard it's so
It's just like you to come and go
And know me, no you don't even know me
You're so sweet to try oh my, you caught my eye
A girl like you's just irresistible.

-The Fratellis (Whistle for the choir)

2008-08-02T10:34:00.000-07:00

Loneliness.

Define loneliness. That's what one of my friends randomly asked me. It really took me some time to answer it. This was what I replied.

Loneliness is always temporary. We will always have a way to keep ourselves occupied. Loneliness is the time when we will know more about ourselves, rather than knowing more about others. During this period of time, we will discover unknown abilities within our own capabilities. Having someone beside you can alter all that as your actions and decisions are limited. We can have all the time in the world to ourselves, to unveil and achieve whatever within our grasps. It makes us stronger when we realise no one will help us whenever we bite the dust. We'll find ways to pick ourselves up without the help of someone. We mst learn to live independently. This is one of the part and parcel life. Nobody in this world can hit harder than life. Its all about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward or how much you can take and keep trudging forward. Thats how the cookie crumbles. We must be willing to take constant hits in life, but never point our finger to someone just because you are not who you're supposed to be because of him/her. Thats what losers do.

I guess whatever I said may not be related, but to think about it everything we do has certain ties to another. Till then.

2008-07-13T09:08:00.000-07:00

Time now is 12:09am, according to my computer clock. So in theory, I will hafta blog about yesterday. Basically, yesterday was a very very tiring day for me. Slept at around 5.30am the previous day and had to wake up at 7.30am to attend a soccer tournament held at the street soccer court near 888 plaza.

It was an open category and obviously, the reception was overwhelming. We were split into 4 groups of 5 and the top team from each group will qualify for the semi-finals. My team, for whatever reason named 'Jiggyjig' was in Group B. The competition was fierce as we recognise alot of familiar faces. Some are from Prime League or Clubs. Yet, we managed to bulldozed our way through the group stages with 4 wins and 9 goals in the pocket. This is where the exciting part starts.

The 4 teams that qualified for the semi-finals were 'Team Raver', 'The Gecks', 'John Stokin' and 'Jiggyjig'. We had to face the Stokin team to qualify for the finals. Unfortunately, we had to settle for either the 3rd or 4th position. With that aside, the other match was really heated up. After our match ended, we decided to watch the other match between 'The Gecks' and 'Team Raver'.

Suddenly a supporter from Team Raver came hollering towards a substitute player of The Gecks. Thats where things got more and more intense. Everyone crowded around to gawk. What I was told, the substitute player hurled vulgarities at one of Team Raver's player and that upset that poor old sensitive supporter. He even accused the referee for being a 'kayu' and biased towards the other team. I think he looked abit like this guy when he had that heated argument.

With all those intensity and such, the match turned into a brawl. Team Raver's player became more aggresive and took every chance they had to have a go at their opposition. They kicked and elbowed whoever they feel deserved it.

As frustration grew, one of Team Raver's player had a heated argument with one of the opposition's player and slapped his face. It was uncalled for, and he immediately was sent off. It was an act of immaturity and no sportmanship. His team was losing by the way. Ultimately, Team Raver lost and they threw their tantrums at the officials. Even the ladies who were organising the events. They cursed and swear and accused the officials to be biased. They complained and whined and tried to do anything to make the officials turn their decision. zit think they made this face when they were complaining.

But obviously, the officials did not do so. Everyone has noted their temperemental and unprofessional ways to handle things, thus was firm with their decision.

And so, WE, 'Jiggyjig' had to face this 'Team Raver' for the 3rd and 4th placing. Unsurprisingly, our oppositions were being unprofessional again. They used dirty methods to win the ball and tripeed us purposedly. They shouted at us and threaten us with the thought that we were intimidated. We stood our ground and did not lower ourselves to their barbaric standards. We played with sportmanship and professionalism, and even with their dirty methods and all those nonsense, we settled for a draw and a 'SUDDENDEATH PENALTY SHOOTOUT' was decided to be the tiebreaker.

My team mates were too pressurized to take the spotkick. It was a 2 touch penalty, so it was abit tricky. They finally convinced me to take up the spotkick which I at first was abit nervous to do so. But everyone wanted this team to lose, so it made me feel abit of like a hero, so yeah, it kind of motivate me to score the winner. Plus I was pissed off with their unprofessionalism and how they taunted us and applied their dirty methods on us.

So there I go, pushing the ball off the halfline with the sole of my feet and whined up for the kick. With all those pissed-off-feeling and the face of the goalkeeper makes me more pissed, I whacked the ball as hard as I could right infront of that fucker. I could see him close his eyes and waved his hands blindly, as though trying to save the ball. After the kick and the adrenaline rush, everyone was cheering and shouting 'GOALLLLLLL!!!!'.

But it was not over yet. Now it's their turn to take the spotkick. I was the keeper and I really wanted to get the 3rd placing. We had come so far to go home emptyhanded. So right after that same fucker who closed his eyes took his first touch, I quickly came off the line to cover all angles. I stood with my arms spread out wide and knees bent. I could see the intensity on his face to whack the ball as hard as how I whacked it past him a few seconds ago, but somehow or rather, I managed to parry the ball away! The feeling was fucking exhilirating!

JIGGYJIG WAS THE TEAM TO SEND THOSE UNPROFESSIONAL BASTARDS HOME!!!!

And we celebrated like monkeys or should I say, celebrated as if we won the first prize. We added salt to their wounds by dancing around them while everyone jeered at them.

"Balik kampung sua!"
"Takleh kene sikit, gi main golf ah sial!"
"Perangai fanatic sia! Gi mampos ah korang!"

And theyr really did went home. They didnt stay for the award ceremony. Eventually, 'The Gecks' were crowned the champion. Congrats!

I tell you, it was fucking great. And with that, I will post up the pictures taken earlier during the tournament.

P.S- Everyone turned into banglas because of the sunny sunny hot weather!

Team 'Jiggyjig"

team Jiggyjig with another team I forgot their teamname la. :D

Ajid, Wanfro and me after our 3rd and 4th placing match

I don't know why I was looking at Fareiz. Hot eh eh? I'm no gay either.

Seriously, I was in alot of pain. Someone pulled my hair too.

Bottom row: "The Gecks. Center row: "John Stokin". Top Row: "JIGGYJIG!!"

Till then. Tomoro schooling! wahhh!

2008-07-12T13:44:00.000-07:00

Recently, had a phone conversation with a close friend. Talked about her problematic relationship. Its obvious she's too naive and giving in too easily to her feelings. Moving on seems impossible for her.

Some guys just don't appreciate the fact, how much the girl sacrificed and went through, just for him. If you bite the dust, you expect her to be there, but after she helped you off your feet, you are quick to brush her aside with your eyes lingering somewhere else. Lingering about another girl to play around with.

Secondly, love should come naturally. I come to understand and accept it that way. Sometimes, I am too quick to judge or jump the gun towards someone, but learnt to quickly take a step back. With that in thought, I got used and made a fool of. Took it as a lesson learnt with a hardened heart.

Alot of people wants me to start dating. They claim, I need someone special to be by my side at this point of time. Some claim I am not serious in life and am too 'happy-go-lucky' thus am afriad I might slip into a hole on the road one day with this attitude, whatever that means. Some even tried to matchmake me without my knowledge. It's irritating.

I'm happy with what I have today. A broken family, a stressful academic life, a boring routine, my head is always filled with negativity and life can't be better. Sometimes I wonder, what does it takes to have happiness? Should I trade everything just to see everything perfect? If I have to, I would. But that isn't one of the options available. Don't you just wish you are in my shoes right now?

:)

2008-07-08T22:34:00.000-07:00

Someone slap me cause' I lack the motivation to study and drag myself to school.
School's a bore. Seriously.
Plus the stress and assignments are piling up.
F*CK!

Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...Everything will be fine...
I hope so...

2008-07-08T07:47:00.000-07:00

Alright, I'll update for the sake of updating. Since I'm running out of topics to write about, let me show you abit of what I'm learning in this course. Biomedical Engineering.

Today we had Biomodelling lesson. In this lesson, we have to design a certain device by using a programme which is super complicated. I have no idea what the hell we are designing. This certain piece have alot of holes, here and there.

It just got screwed.

Luckily I did not skip this lesson or else I would miss out alot. We had to do drafting now. Had to convert the 3D image of the structure to a 2D image with all the constraints and measurements accurately. It was very frustrating especially when you realise your 3D image do not have the same measurement as of the device itself. In this case, we had to go back to the drawing block. Even if you're short of 0.001mm in length, width, breadth or depth, you have to restart. Imagine the amount of hair which starts to fall off from my head. -.-"

"I feel like killing someone now"
"Wah! Kaninaya! Must redo sia!!"
"Teacher, why make us go through such mental hardship?"
"Sibeisong! Ni de lampa hentuo mao! Ci.."

That's only a few grunts and whines which echoed through the computer lab just now. Everyone had their 'Ifeellikestabbingthecomputerrightnow' face. Especially Jonathan, this Chinese dude beside me. Thanks to him, I managed to expand my range of Hokkien/Chinese/Cantonese vulgarities. =D

After 3 hours of swearing, whining, slamming the mouse, pulling our own hair and complaining, we managed to complete both our assignment. Yes both. As in only 2 of it which managed to keep us occupied for 3 whole hours!

The rightview of the 'Igotscrewed' piece.

The frontview of it.

The leftview of it.

The 2D image of 'Igotscrewed' after drafting.

I have no idea what this thing is. Lets call it 'dingaling'. Topview.

Sideview of dingaling.

The bottomview.

The 2D image of 'dingaling' after drafting.

I know it looks simple and it makes me look stupid because I need 3 hours to complete this, but believe me, it's harder than it looks! But overall, it's quite fun when you get the hang of it. The teacher could finish the whole thing in only a few minutes. WOW!

Lastly.

Thats how Chinamen look when they just got up from sleep right Syaf?
Ahahah!
Wait till I see your version of a Chinawoman whom just woke up from a good night sleep! :P

Till then!

2008-07-02T07:31:00.000-07:00

Today was boring as ever. Woke up at 7.30am to go to school. School was supposed to end at 3, but had to do a retest for my maths. Ended at 4.30pm and chilled with Fitri and Bob for a while at Yio Chu Kang.

The day got worst, thanks to a recent misunderstanding just now. Maybe I was abit too straightforward in my words, but thats how I am. I do admit my way through words can agitate some, but first you have to decipher about what was said and analyse whether is it a fact or just an 'accusation'. I didn't mean to accuse you of anything, but since you took it the wrong way, I took the initiative to apologize for my honest mistake. Yes, I do not know you well, but humans make mistakes too. Like the saying goes,

'To err is human, to forgive is divine.'

I sincerely did not mean to use you as an example to proof a point, but I guess you're just sensitive. And again, I'm sorry. But what you replied back was totally unacceptable. You say you don't like me for the way I am and to 'stop trying'? What the fuck are you talking about?

Now, you're obviously ACCUSING plus JUDGING me just because of a honest mistake. I hate to rant about this incident, but I hate it when people judge me without even knowing me at all. Plus you had the cheek to tell me to 'stop trying'? What are you trying to say?

I'm trying to hit on you? Trying to have a shot at you? I'm not like those DESPERATE FUCKS who tried to hit on you. I have better things to concentrate on rather than to plan myself on how to please you like how those DESPERATE FUCKS do. Sweet talk my way just to feel the warmth of your touch. Just because you think I 'accused' you a few minutes ago, doesn't give you the right to judge me inside out and paint a bad image of me. That's just a selfish way to make yourself feel right and the victim. I beg to differ. Seriously.

IF, I purposedly accused you, I wouldn't have apologized to you. I set aside the human ego embedded in every men, just to ask for forgiveness. Yet you add fuel to the fire, accused and judged me. You say I don't know you? Of course I don't know you and I didn't even meant to shoot those words at you. Plus the thought of 'trying anything' did not even crossed my mind until you accused me of it.

If you can't take a generalized view of a certain situation, don't bother trying to advice me in the first place. Why should you be over-decisive when the topic was brought up anyway? It may be your guilty conscience or we just had an opposite flux of views and ideas. I am extremely tenacious about my point of views and it takes more than a few sentences to change it. Like I said,

'We ALL hide behind our various masks to hide our feelings, but when someone discovered your true intentions, we get agitated.'

In the midst of this anger, I still offer my apology to make things up as/an friend/acquaintance, whichever you prefer. AND I am not even trying to do anything either.

Moving on. Do spend a few minutes on this article below.

SINGAPORE: Penalties for fare evasion on buses and MRT trains kicked in on Tuesday.
ADVERTISEMENT. Under the new system, those who do not pay the correct fare will be fined S$20, while those who abuse concession cards face a penalty of S$50.
As of 3pm, 16 people had been caught for these offences, all of them bus commuters.
At Tanjong Pagar MRT station, there is an average of two cases of fare evasion every month, mostly those abusing student concession cards.

ince the penalty system was announced on May 2, ticketing operator TransitLink, which manages the ticketing system used on buses and MRT stations here, has issued over 10,000 warning letters. However from now, the guilty ones will be fined.
TransitLink and the two public transport operators, SBS Transit and SMRT, conducted a public education campaign in May and June.
All public transport officials will carry an identification card and issue a receipt once the fine is paid.

An additional penalty of S$1,000 will be imposed on fare cheats if they do not pay their fine. The same penalty applies if one refuses to give their personal details, or provide false information to the public transport official.

Repeat offenders may be fined S$2,000 or be jailed up to six months, or both.
SBS Transit and SMRT said over 300 fare cheats are caught everyday, but they believe the actual figure is higher.
The new system is meant to help stem the loss of about S$9 million each year from fare evasion. — CNA/vm

Wow! Singapore sure is a FINE country. They implemented a new law for 'fare evasion'? Yes, I understand adults shouldn't be abusing student concession cards or pay the wrong amount of fare, but it's just ridiculous to FINE them twenty dollars for their first offend. I understand the fact that some people do that, because transportation is expensive nowadays. You can lower the fares and I'm sure the 'fare evasion' rates will plummet down with a snap of the fingers. Why not, instead of being fined twenty dollars, tell them or if you have to, FORCE them to top-up their own EZ-link card, and if they don't have one, tell them to buy one!

FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..
FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..
FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..
FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..
FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..FINE..

Everything must fine. A number 1 fact.

-Fines, GST, Road tax, ERP gantries, Parking lots, daily necessities, payments of education, CPF, etc etc etc etc are all SHOOTING UP, but our salaries and benefits still remains the same. You expect us to cope with this standard of living?

At the same time, you want us to upgrade ourselves. Educate ourselves further yet the price to take up any course seems ridiculously high!

You claim employment rates are increasing, but there are still a large number of people who are unemployed.

You claim this 'fare evasion' law is 'to help stem the loss of about S$9 million each year from fare evasion', but I still see the ministers and higher authorities living luxuriously while quite a number of YOUR OWN citizen are living a hard life due to the price hikes and ridiculous laws, such as this 'fare evasion'. You have the heart to jail, fine $6000 or both someone just because he paid the wrong amount of fare? Don't you think that's absurd?

What if he person could not afford the transportation fares which for most people are already considered high? You still want to put them behind bars and through financial, physical and mental hardships? I can use that $6000 to pay for my transportation fees throughout my whole life.

I understand that these laws being implemented to correct someone for their mistakes, but the punishments they may face for their offence seems too ridiculous and extreme. Imagine, not paying the right fare and spending 6 months in jail??? Maybe the government should cut us some slack as the standard of living now is very high. They may not feel what the citizens go through because they have HIGH SALARIES to bathe themselves into, but for a normal citizen like me, I'm just suffering like how the others are.

I can rant more about Singapore's laws and ridiculous punishments for various offences, but I'm just to tired to do so. Thats all for now.

Take care.

2008-06-26T11:51:00.000-07:00

Meet my brother. Muhammed Faizal. It's been a while since I've seen him. For some reason, the family have been living seperately lately. I just want to say that I miss him.

This picture is taken by Farah Rashid, when I tested my webcam on her. This was a couple of months back and Farah had a major crush on Faizal. Haha!

I just want the whole family back together which seems impossible now. :/

2008-06-24T09:58:00.000-07:00

I find it abit torublesome to log into blogger without ticking the 'remember me' box the last time I logged in. I have to type out my email, which is SUPER long and password. So today, I ticked the 'remember me' box! Yay!! -.-"

Today, let's talk about something which we can never live without. Something which is extraordinary and special. Without it's existence, we all will be lonely individuals with a mundane lifestyle. I'm talking about friendship. Friends are always there whenever you need company or a listening ear. When we run into hardship, those who stayed by your side and overcome the obstacle are indeed TRUE friends. To make friends is easy, but to find these certain individuals are definitely hard but worth the effort. They stay by you through thick and thin and motivate you morally, emotionally or physically. For me, I don't call them close friends, I simply call them FRIENDS.

The word before 'friend' don't matter to me. You may call them your 'BESTIES' or 'HAPPYPILLS' or '*insertcutename* friend' but for me, it's simply 'friends'.

Because I know they don't care what I may call them as they already know that we have a strong friendship and no words can describe it. It's simply inconceivable. Plus I am thankful to have met these kindsouls who helped alot in my social life and studies. I remember there was a time whereby I wanted to give up on my studies, but they gave me an earful of vulgarities yet motivating words which kept me going. If I were to show any sign of giving up, they are always there to push me off the ground and help me back on my feet. Eventhough we may have our difference and get into a heated argument once in a while, we never fail to reconcile and forgive each other. Nobody is perfect but we try to make corrections and make up for our mistakes. Trade advices and be a better person. First of all, let me introduce you to

SHAFUDIN

I knew him since Secondary 1. We used to argue everyday in class over petty matters. A person who never gives up. When in times of hardship, he always tries his best to overcome it with any possible solution. Eventhough he is going through alot right now, I admire his extraordinary effort to make ends meet. He juggles work, school, family and friends 24/7. Something special about him is that he never change a single bit eventhough he is facing a massive amount of stress right now. He can crack silly jokes and laugh like a hyena like how he used to. Never call him fat because he will whoop your ass if you do. =P Full of confidence which motivates him to work and strive harder and I would not be surprise to see him as a successful person in the near future. Next up

BOB & SHIKIN

I purposely uploaded a picture of them together. The reason being, they never fail to argue everytime we meet up. Let's talk about Bob first. A person who loves to make slapstick jokes and laughs to himself while everyone is still figuring out his joke. He is my lepak-kaki and if I were to lepak, he will always be there with me. Has a heart of gold and a volatile temper but knows how to control it. Eventhough we had our differences, we never fail to get along so well. Never gives up, and always asks me for advices. Quick to pick himself off the ground and move on. A massive RICE-EATER and hates fast food restaurants =P. Shikin is a very assertive person in a good way. Very outgoing and bubbly. Has a very matured point of view. Figures things out quickly and can live independently. Strives for the best and only the best. A very generous and humble person. Always ready to help those in need. Only thing, she doesnt know how to 'dress up' as a girl. Bo-chap! But we can see she is trying her best to change her dressing which is defintely a blessing! Haha!

There you have it. 3 of my friends. And am thankful for it.

Last but not least, I wanted to post up a drawing of me done by Syafiqah d/o Abdul Rahman but I received the file on the desktop pc! Dang! haha! Will upload it with a few other drawing sessions we had during times of boredom.

*pinkypromise*

Till then.

2008-06-19T02:17:00.000-07:00

No idea why I uploaded that picture. But somehow or rather, I like the picture. How the blurriness can hide my inconceivable flaws!

Anyhoooos....

"Doesnt mean your eyes are open, you can see"

Yes, something about this phrase got me wondering. Almost everyone in this world think they know everything. They claim that they are 'experienced' and have been through various walks of life. Yeah right.

Have you been to third world countries? Where poverty is spelled eminently everywhere? Where children as young as 5 carries the burden of a 25 years old?

Or have you gone through complicated hardships that looks as if there is no way to overcome it?

I know I don't. Yet there are some people out there who claimed they do. People who lives in comfort and lead a normal life. The problem they talk about is their 'complicated lovelife'. Pfft. Just because they are going through a rough patch in their relationship, they feel like the world is crumbling down and it's eating them alive. Slashed their wrists, seek attention while people look on and scoff.

Moving on. Let's talk about stress. Stress is always there for us. It seems as if stress has something unpleasant in store for us. When we come to the point of breaking down due to a massive amount of stress, we simply give up. I know how it feels to go through the challenges of stress, so does everyone else. We can never avoid it, and in my point of view, stress can be converted to something positive. Use stress as a factor which motivates us. Motivates us to strive harder, work harder and achieve something worthwhile, through hard work and effort, we can definitely get what we want within our grasps. It basically boils down to how we react. approach and overcome stress.

I admit, I always give up so easily. When something hard crops up, either I procrastinate or come up with various ridiculous reasons to avoid it. As time goes by, the problems build up and eventually, I will have to face a BIGGER amount of stress. For example, an important test is coming up, and I 'decided' to study. Once I turned on the computer, and my eyes are glued to the screen, I said,

"Tomorrow then I would study. Promise."

And unsurprisingly, this vicious circle repeats again and again till the very day before the exam. Thats where I would panic and screw up everything. When I fail the test, I get dissapointed, give up, feel like cowshit without realising the fact that I did not even put in any effort for the test. The effort I put in was, last minute mugging, which NEVER HELPS at all. Ironically I still had the cheek to say,

"Ehhh. How come I fail sia? I study whattt!"

If I could, I would slap myself countless times, wake myself up from the lies I've been endrowning myself in just to feel 'right'. Haha.

Therefore readers, nothing is impossible. Challenges in life are inevitable, stress is unavoidable, but putting in effort seems to be kinda elusive don't ya think? There is no secrets to success. It's all HARD WORK and PERSEVERANCE.

Still signed in MSN? Chatting with friends? Have an upcoming tests or presentation soon? Get ya butt off the chair and do what you need to do!

2008-06-16T10:29:00.000-07:00

I don't mean to sound bland, but there's some people I do not know, do come by my blog and read it. I'm not saying that's bad, but thats a relief for me. Knowing that there ARE people reading my blog and appreciating the materials I write about. Thanks!

Do drop by again and leave your bloglink if possible.

Anyways, back to my mundane-lukewarm life. I was like alive for only half a day for today. Woke up at 3pm due to the fact that I slept at 5am? Wondering what I did during the wee hours of the morning? Basically, made a new friend who is hyper-active like an Energizer Bunny. Chat about being superheroes and sidekicks and all those unlikely topics to start off with an acquaintance. Since both of us can't shut our eyes for our 40 winks, we chatted till our fingers feel like detaching themselves from the palms. Great knowing you Syafiqah binti Abdul Rahman A.K.A Macho-misai-girl.

Anyways, once I woke up, I felt the urge to watch Undercover brother. Random, I know. After the movie, I nearly forgot that I have yet to bathe. Ok, here comes the 'FUN' part, or whatever you diabolical, satanic individuals call it!!

After scrubbing my body till the skin turned red, I reached for the shampoo. Pumped out the shampoo from the dispenser and applied it to the hair and scrub scrub the scalp and whatever. While scrubbing the hair, I realised something is wrong.

"Why is it so frizzy when I scrub my hair?"

Then the smell of FAB invaded my nostrils. The white bubbles felt so oily around my forehead. Only did I realised, the dispenser contained FAB, instead of PANTENE PRO-V! My mum used that once-empty dispenser to fill in the FAB for whatever the reason may be, I will never know. My mum is weird, I know.

On that moment I felt as if, my hair is my Wednesday boxers or maybe my soccer socks. So I quickly ran out of the bathroom, and grabbed the other shampoo from the other toilet and washed the hair. I mean WASH as in, I shampoo-ed my hair for like 3 times?? And unfortunately, the FAB smell didnt go away, but it does smell nice somehow. I swear I will unscrew the shampoo dispenser next time and check what actually is inside of it. Take a huge whiff of smell, and if it smells like my ordinary PANTENE PRO-V, issallgood!

"Abang, asal rambut bau mcm washing machine?"

That's what my lil brother asked me. And this is what I replied.

"Oh, tadi shower rosak, jadi abang cuci rambut pakai washing machine ah."

And that poor boy believed what I said, even through my sarcasm, he gave a huge. "OHHHHHHH". Love that boy. Haha.

With my lil brother in thought, what's up with young malay boys nowadays? Why become such delinquents and stupid? The way they dress, I can see they are already mixing with bad companies. Tappered pants, checkered slip-ons, striped cardigan and tilted trucker caps. The thing that keeps me wondering is, why do this younglings want to dress up that way? Like seriously, wearing tappered pants on a warm day burns the leg-hairs off in a few seconds. If any of my lil brother's pants were to be tappered, I swear I will rip it up and ask him to stay home to study. I love to call this little matreps, 'MINI-MAT'..They will grow up to be such delinquents and taint the Malay community. People like this, such as 'MATREPS' are the reason why other races have become so stereotype about us Malays. I don't blame them for hating us either. Tell me, 99.99% of the self-made-amateur pornclips circulating through bluetooth are done by Malays, yes? Thats just 1 example, you can go figure the other factors out yourselves.

But! BUT! Not all malays are like that. Thats all I can say to the people who hate our community. I wish I could, if people stop mistaking me as a Chinese dude.

About the pornclips, I find them un-stimulating. Like the thought of the girl being so cheap and agreeing to be videotaped while she sucks on lollipop is just too perverse. SEX doesn't come cheap. It should come together with love and mutual recognition from both parties. It should also be done behind closed doors and not to let everyone know you boned someone. Seriously, whenever I see this pornclips, it just disgust me and it is a disgrace to the community. OUR community.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not gay or anything, but I'm just talking bout the principle of it.

Till then. Take care and don't forget to put on the toothpaste before brushing your teeth!

2008-06-14T12:16:00.000-07:00

Spent the whole day at Simpang Bedok with nenek, mom and my lil bro. Seriously, I was just too bored at home. Nothing exciting happened though.

Just a random post. Being single has it's ups and downs. The advantages are, there are no strings attached and we can do whatever we want to. Without the feeling of guilt and your conscience creeping up to you from time to time. You can expand your circle of friends without someone to nag at you and go through the typical inquisition which always questions your loyalty and honesty. At the same time, even with this freedom, we tend to get lonely. Your handphone never beep as much as how it used to when you had someone in your life. You have no one to send you a simple good morning message or a simple sms such as,

'Hey dear! Watya doin? Hafya eaten yet?'

I kinda miss those old days. When I usually get myself into silly arguments with her over a small matter such as why I did not reply her messages and she thinks I was with another girl. It sounds silly, but that just shows how much she really loves me. I swear, I never took advantage of her trust.

But sometimes, I am happy to be single. I have more time for myself. Yet recently, I always feel lonely especially when you're alone at home. I had this random conversation with my close friends, and they told me to start dating or find someone. What they don't understand is, it is hard nowadays to find a love one. They said, my way of life is unhealthy and maybe if there is someone in my life, she could help it. I don't mean unhealthy as in I go for late night clubbings, drinkings, womanizing, but unhealthy as in, doing unneccesary stuffs when I get bored or lonely. It might be me, but girls who have plenty of guyfriends is a huge turnoff for me. They are so full of themselves. Unfortunately, there is someone out there whom I tried to have a shot at.

I met love, we shook hands and he pointed the middle finger at me when I turned around.

So I got over this as I feel betrayed and foolish. How could I jumped off blindly? She knows I'm the type of person who is quick to get 'attached' to someone. With that in thought, she took advantage and played me out, and she's not the first one too.

That's why, its hard for me to find someone. Someone right.

2008-06-14T03:39:00.000-07:00

Please don't cry
You know I'm leaving here tonight
Before I go I want you to know that there will always be a light

And if the moon had to runaway
And all the stars didn't wanna play
Don't waste the sun on a rainy day
The wind will soon blow it all away

So many times I'd planned
To be much more than who I am
And if I let you down I will follow you 'round until you understand

That if the moon had to runaway
And all the stars didn't wanna play
Don't waste the sun on a rainy day
The wind will soon blow it all away

When the days all feel the same
Don't feel the cold or wind or rain
Everything will be okay
We will meet again one day
I will shine on, for everyone

So please don't cry
Although I leave you here alone this night
Where ever I may go how far I don't know
But I will always be your light

That if the moon had to runaway
And all the stars didn't wanna play
Don't waste the sun on a rainy day
The wind will soon blow it all away

When the days all feel the same
Don't feel the cold or wind or rain
Everything will be okay
We will meet again one day
I will shine on, for everyone
When the days all seem the same
Don't feel the cold or wind or rain
Everything will be okay
We will meet again one day
I will shine on, for everyone

2008-06-12T11:51:00.000-07:00

Nowadays I'm feeling nostalgic. Some of us may have sweet flashbacks but all of mine are not as beautiful as a bed of roses. I'm forever blacking my lungs out by the thought of it. Those last words you said to me seems to be embedded in my mind. And I congratulate you for it.

Those words had a huge negative impact on me. It really affected my social life and self-esteem for quite some time, but I managed to pick myself up, get a hold of myself and force myself forward. You had your million ways to be cruel and I never seem to get enough of it. I tried to make things work even in such a situation, but you can't seem to appreciate it.

Anyways, today was a hectic day for me. Woke up early, and went for a soccer tournament. Too bad we lost, but we did had fun. After that, is back to the studio with the band to work on our original. I must say, it sounds great, and so does some of my friend. Will upload a raw version of it when we finish recording it. Someway or another, drumming makes me feel happy. Everything doesn't seem to matter when I groove to the beat of a certain music. Something about this passion and the band makes me feel different and elated.

Just a random topic. During the soccer tournament, my team-mates and I had a conversation about our 'dream girl'. May it be about what kind of hairstyle or apparels the girl love to wear, the smell of their perfume or the tone of their skin. In case you're wondering, this is what I had to say about my 'dream girl'.

"I like her to be quite fair. Tanned would be fine too. Have this curlywurly puffypuffy hair, somewhat like Alicia Keys in her 'no one' music videoclip. Have this chinese look so people will mistaken us for a chinese couple. A 3/4 floral skirt and a pair of slip on shoes. A cute headband to hold up her puffy hair would make her look adorable which goes well with a simple t-shirt of tanktop. Plus, she must love me for who I am and not for what she wants me to be, appreciate the fact that I am trying my best to provide and care for her and for our relationship's benefit."

It sounds a bit far-fetched but the topic IS about your DREAM girl. Come to think of it, I saw this dream girl once at the airport when I was working there. She looks sweet and adorable. With the headband and everything on. She had her grandma's arm clipped to her arm. How sweet is that?

Well, like gravity keeps everyone's feet on the ground, I have to accept the fact that in life, you can't always get what you want.

Life's a bitch anyways.

2008-06-04T11:11:00.000-07:00

Holidays are comin up soon! woooo..I will definitely get back those hours of sleep I sacrificed.

Damn you HUMAN ANATOMY AND PHYSIOLOGY TEST!!

I am bored. Therefore I will do my revision of the topics I need to know here. If you are not interested, please press the cross button at the top right hand corner of your screen.

1.Synovial Joints

-There are 6 types of synovial joints.

1.Gliding joint
2.Hinge Joint
3.Ball and socket joint
4.Pivot Joint
5.Saddle Joint
6.Condyloid Joint

Gliding joint
Eg. The carpals of the wrist.
Description- It allows a wide variety of movement but not much distance it is restricted by the surrounding ligaments.

Hinge Joints
Eg. The elbow joint between the humerus and ulna.
Description- This joint acts like a door hinge. It allows flexion and extension in one plane.

Pivot Joint
Eg. The elbow between radius and ulna.
Description- One of the bones rotates around the other. In this case the radius rotates about the ulna.

Condyloid Joint
Eg. The wrist.
Description- A condyloid joint is where 2 bones fit together with an odd shape. One bone is concave and the other is convex. It permits flexion, extension, abduction, adduction, circumduction but no axial rotation.

Saddle Joint
Eg. The thumb. Between the metacarpal and carpal.
Description- Saddle joints represents a saddle. It permits flexion, adduction, abduction, circumduction, extension but no axial rotation. Same as condyloid joint.

Ball and Socket Joint
Eg. The shoulder or hipjoints.
Description- The ball-shaped surface of one bone fits into the cuplike depression of another. This allows the bone to rotat 360 degrees. This joint permits the most movement of bones.

2.Muscle Tissues

There are 3 types of muscle tissues.
-Skeletal muscle.
-Smooth muscle.
-Cardiac muscle.

Skeletal muscle
-Anchored by tendons to the bones.
-Help in locomotion and maintaining posture.
-The shape of muscle is elongated and cylindrical shape.
-The nucleus is at the centre.

Smooth muscle
-It is found within walls of these organs.
-Eg. Oesophagus, bladder, uterus and respiratory tracts.
-Allows expansion and contraction easily.

Cardiac muscle
-It is found only in the heart.
-The muscle is striated. Arranged in regular, parallel bundles.
-Connects at branching, irregular angles.

3.Epithelium tissues

There are different kinds of epithelium tissues. Different shapes and sizes as well. Different tissues for different parts of the body.

Squamous
-Flat and irregular flattened shape.
-Can be found at kidneys and major cavities of the body.
-Has minimal barrier to diffusion.
-Nucleus is at the centre.

Cuboidal
-Width of tissue is same as height.
-Nuclues is at the centre.
-Forms smallest duct glands and many kidney tubules.

Columnar
-The tissue is taller than it is wide.
-Nucleus is close to the base of the cell.
-Can be found in the small intestines.

Transitional
-This is a special type of epithelium
-Can be found in stretchable organs such as the bladder.
-When this epithelium is distended, it seems like it has a few layers.
-When it is contracted, it seems to have alot of layers.

!!WTF!!

Thats it for now. I will revise through it again and get my rest. Till then.

2008-06-02T04:19:00.001-07:00

Just a random thought. Some girls just love attention. Just because they have thousands of friends in their friends-list in friendster, they experiment on these pathetic guys 1 by 1 and see who fits. Also, this maybe one of their ways to overcome their heartache over a bad experience. That is just unfair for these guys, even how stupid or gullible they are.

Do you really know those thousands of friends in your friendster? And when someone adds you up, you post comment such as this.

"Hey there! Nice pics! New friends are love! Talk soon!"

"Hey! Thanx for the add! *insert nick* always love new friends! *insert nick* hope to chat with you soon! *insert stupid smiley here*

Fuck your new friends are love!
Fuck your "cutekawaiiwannadoodee* nickname!
Fuck your ways of seeking attention!
Fuck your stupid pictures!
Fuck your stupid eyebrows!
Fuck your disgusting *oops can see my cleavage* pictures!

Fuck you!!

Thats all. Fuck you if you happen to be part of this demoralizing, disgusting, stupid and pathetic species of degenarates formed in the rectum and out from the anus.

2008-06-01T11:31:00.001-07:00

Absence makes the heart grows fonder towards the certain individual.

And indeed it does. We tend to be reckless and uncareful nowadays. We follow our feelings and take regretful actions that really wretch the heart. No point crying over spilled milk nor regretting about your actions, because nothing can turn back the hands of time. It's too late to apologize and win that someone over. Now, all we can do is to hope for the better for that individual.

She has moved on. She found serenity and love in someone else. Someone who would be there to catch her teardrops and console her in times of need. Someone who would love her as much or even more than how I used to love her. Please forget all about me. Don't tell me that I will always have a place in your beautiful heart. I don't belong nor deserve to be dwelling there. You deserve someone better. I hope he would always be by your side and would not treat you as badly as how I did. I should have spared a thought for your feelings before, but I was too selfish and blind to do so. You were my everything. Your generous heart, your flawless beauty, your child-like cuteness, your unforgettable smile, your soothing voice and how you drew me into your world. We shared your world and everything seems perfect. We could sit all day long and hug so tightly and never want to let go.

How I wish there would still be hope for me in this game called love. The deceptive game which tricked countless of innocent souls to throw their dice of fate and try to manage the outcome. May it be bad or good, we are all still naive and gullible to play this game. Even after a loss, we still throw our fate blindly. It seems as if we never learn our lesson. But love has a weird way to entice you back to it's game. Face it, we are all too naive.

Love should be serene. Something which we all should embrace whole heartedly and never have second thoughts about it. If you still have someone lingering on your mind yet another by your side, do forget the imaginary one. The one who is willing to wait for you should never be neglected. If you keep on thinking about that individual, then evaluate the situation. Is he really worth thinking about? What about him that makes you think of him/her?

He has broke your heart once, are you willing to let him do that again? Move on, be merry. You have someone by you already. It would not be unfair for him either. Let's just leave things as that. Imagine I never exist in your life. I am just a fading memory which you would replace with new ones. Do not give in to your feelings easily either. I am not worth your thoughts and tears. You teared more than enough times for me already. I do not want to do that again. I'm sorry. Move on and realise the grass is always greener on the other side.

It is best you leave while I stay and count countless stars.

2008-05-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like a lost child in a shopping centre when I see families having fun together. The parents of the family clasping each other's hand tightly while watching their children playing around. A simple peck on the cheek and a playful hug that happens randomly. How I wish my family was like that. Or should I say, how I wish my parrents was like that.

Have you ever saw an old couple that still walks together and hold each other's arm tightly. When one of them almost slip, they would have a good laugh about it later on. Eventhough age caught up to them, they still make full use of the time they still have to love each other. This simple incident really is sweet and proves that love do exists.

But it's not the same case for my family now.

It's been a long time since we had dinner together. It's been a long time since we all sat together at the living room and watch the television together. It's been a long time since I felt the warmth of a family or see a simple intimate moment between you two. Nowadays, the house is so quiet. Only the sounds emitted from the computer or television fills the house. Conversations are short-lived in this house. Everyone is minding their own business and weirdly, I have come to adapt to this cold environment. Maybe it's already fated for my family to break apart. Countless attempts to save the family were futile. Hari Raya celebration this year will be weird and I am not looking forward to it. We won't be able to break our first day of fasting together again. Never able to wake up during the first day of Hari Raya, all smiles and optimistic about the day.

This is life. Sometimes we get our happiness robbed away from us. We can't expect everything to go our way. If this is for the best, then so be it. Life is unfair, and all we can do is to adapt quickly and improvise. It may take time, but it will eventually heal all pains right?

I hope I am right.

2008-05-25T08:20:00.000-07:00

Sorry for not updating for quite some time lately. Just wasnt in the mood to do so.

*BIG sigh*

Anyways, school has been alright. I mean alright as in, I don't feel guilty for not understanding the modules as almost 3/4 of the whole course don't understand it either. So anyways, the class test is like 2 weeks away, and I still dont understand quite a number of things. Organic chemistry, Physical chemistry, Engineering maths, Electrical Principles and circuits are the MAIN BITCH!!

Bitch bitch fuckin BITCHES!

Moving on....

I noticed something this week. The weekend passes by very fast ey? I swear the weekends was shot by a mini cannon. Basically spend the weekends at home. Just at home and scratching my head over revision.

I open up the book, stare at it for a few seconds, close it back, sign in to MSN, and stare at the computer screen for hours. How cool is that?
I miss the secondary school life. Seriously. In secondary school, you are closely supervised by countless teachers and they guide you step by step. You have a very united class and sometimes, when the day is mundane, you will look forward to school just to meet your friends.
In polytechnic, you are basically by yourself. You miss the lesson, theres no make up lessons for it. You have to find a way by yourself to get back on both feet.

To cut it short, POLYLIFE IS NOT AS FUN AS YOU THINK!!

Anyways, I feel like stuffing someone into a box. Its a cool box, mahogany wood with vintage covers. I will stuff that person in like a bitch and close the lid. He would be banging on the lid and covers for hours. He won't know whats happening and there would be a penguin in the box. They will be shocked. There would be embarrassing pauses in between their conversation. Then when I scoop him out, and shave him again and again. He will have blisters too. I will push him down a snowslide whilst the wind will blow pass his skin and cause goosebumps and nipple-erection.

Chapter 2.

Me:"Hey dude. Say oblong. Cmon..just say oblong.."
Him:"Oh noo. I won't be saying that word. It's just ridiculous. Every adult knows it's rectangle, not oblong"
Me:"Oh cmon. Lets go to the alley. It's quiet. So you can say the word oblong..Let's goooo.."
Him:"You sure I can say it here?? No ones here rite??"
Me:"Yeahh..Cmon man..Just say it..Say oblong.."
Him:"*sniggers* okok..I'll say it..Oblong..."
Me:"Haha!! Got you on tape bitch! You're finished!!"

Then I will go to his workplace and show everyone that tape. Everyone will be laughing and all.

"HAHAAH!! He said oblong!! ahahah"

I will also get that on tape! I will tape everyone in that room who said the word oblong!...In 10 minutes I will control the world with the power of OBLONG!!

2008-05-04T07:27:00.000-07:00

I don't understand why I have been feeling so negative lately. Alot of things running through my mind and I can't seem to find the answers to it. Plus, recently, someone landed a huge bomb onto me. It's really getting worst. I feel like sleeping through May and wake up to see the problems subside.

2008-04-27T09:03:00.000-07:00

Today's post will be specially dedicated to these special individual whom I have known for almost 7 years. I still remembered our primary school days. When she was a new student who got transferred to Naval BAse Primary. She was in my class and had this blue floral bag and with her short-short hair. And her skirt was above her belly button and shirt tucked in tightly. The ironic thing is that, we never fail to get into an argument everyday. Be it about stealing her pens, copying her work, or just saying something wrong, yet we are still in contact after all this years. To think about it, Farah and her cousin Lisah are the only one whom I still keep in contact with regularly. Its great to have you as a friend. You never fail to laugh at my stupid and ridiculous jokes even when I don't even understand them. Hahah. And for the finale, here's something I would like to show you.

And he says, "I DO I DO!!!"

2008-04-26T11:36:00.000-07:00

Why does it always have to be complicated when I develop such feelings for a certain individual? Why do you put me through such complications and unwanted scenarios which could derail a sane man off his sanity? Wretched his heart and embed such bitter memories that can never be forgotten. Patience may be a virtue but every one has their limits. Putting in efforts may not be a problem, but without any act of recognition or agreement would just prove the efforts to be futile. I never wanted to feel this way nor get myself into such a situation. From now on, I leave everything to time and fate. Praying to god is just a way to convince yourself that you are not alone, but in reality, you live and die alone. I want answers but I never got any. I want happiness, but it's something that we can only pursuit, never achieved. I hope things will work out soon enough, but I'm sick and tired of hoping. I hope and put in so much effort, yet there never seem to be any signs of improvement. It looks like, there will never be a solution to all these problems I have been bottling up for a long time.

Sometimes, I wish I could stop the hands of time and take a step back from reality. An oppurtunity to appreciate the true meaning of life and what it's worth. The simplest of things which could brighten up anyone's day. A day by the beach, or just sitting by an old oaktree and smoking some cigarettes. Close your eyes, listen to the beat of your body and appreciate that we survived all these years full of stress and hectic routines.

I want to fall into a deep sleep. Asleep and would not be pulled by the flow of this hectic life. Just rejuvenate. Take a long break from life. Whats life anyway?

Why are we living when we are actually living to die? We are simply dying to live. Almost everyone dies unhappy. Be it financially, emotionally, physically or all of it. The saying goes 'Nothing is perfect'. If nothing is perfect and people suffer from such imperfections, why do GOD still let that person live his/her whole life suffering? And as the saying goes 'Every problem has it's solution'. Every problem has it's solution if you have the money. Everything is about money nowadays. People starve, beg, live in cardboard boxes, singleparenthood, fall sick constantly and almost everything links to money. Those without money can't find food to eat. People who falls sick constantly, don;t have the money to get the proper medications. If you think about it, every solution involves money.

'Money can't buy you happiess'. This is a bunch of bullshit. Fuck the person who created this phrase. Bet he/she is a rich bastard who doesnt have any problems at all and just trying to be sarcastic. Fuck.

Good night fucks. Tomorrow is just another day for me to be a step nearer to death.

2008-04-02T09:38:00.000-07:00

I'm having a hard time to open up blogger nowadays.. Its not due to the malfunction of blogger.com but rather my lazyness to blog about my daily life. It's way too predictable because I do the same old routine every single day. Eventually, my routine took a drastic change. DRASTIC.

I have to wake up SUPER EARLY now for work.

Yes, yes. That drastic. It may not be as drastic as the congested traffic due to Mas Selamat's 'toiletbreak' incident, but waking up at 6.30 in the morning is definitely a pain in the arse for me lately. Maybe because I have been turning in late and waking up around 3-5pm all the time eversince I stopped working?

Anyways, eversince I stopped dragging my ass to the airport for work, I either had been slacking at home or going out till late with my friends almost every single day. I treated this reliable home of mine like a hotel and I really owe it an apology. But you can;t blame me, I've dwell deep into the holiday mood and can't find a way for me to snap out of it by 14th April. Talking about school, in a few hours time, I will be going to NYP to get myself a laptop.

Seriously, I really think I don't need a laptop. Everyone told me it is a great investment, and they may be right. Hopefully I can see the use of the laptop when I start my campus-life. Who knows, its the most important tool in a polytechnic such as how we need oxygen to live.

Now about work. Since the end of last month, I had to travel all the way to harbourfront and take the bus 57 to Keppel Road and alight at the bus stop right before Tanjong Pagar Railway Station. After that, I will have to cross the road which can take me almost 15 minutes to cross due to the heavy traffic on that long stretch of road during the morning rush hour. After that, I will have to enter this small gate, walk into the warehouse and start work as early as 9am. It usually ends at 5.30pm, but most of the time we will end at 7.30pm. Overtime. By the time I reach home, it would be around 10.15pm. Turn in at around 2am and the viscious cycle takes it's course again. That's why I have shades of greyish currypuff shapes under my eyes. Worst still, I have a pimple outbreak due to the dust and humidity in the warehouse. My hands are usually coated with dust which I would then rub my palms across my forehead to remove the sweat and in tun, caused this outbreak of pimples worst than the SARS epidemic.

Anyways, I think I will turn in now and rest for fuck sake, I only managed to get a total of 6 hours sleep this past few days. Good morn'/night my mates!

2008-03-21T23:44:00.000-07:00

She says she's fine, but she's going insane.
She says it's nothing, but it's really a lot.
She says she feels good, but she's in a lot of pain.
She says she's okay, but really she's not.

She was sitting outside. Sat on the wooden chair and looked at the green horizon. All she could see then was this guy sitting by the grass field. A guy which she had been in love since young. The guy she had been waiting for since forever. He looked at her, smiles and leaves. She kept her eyes straight at him. Nothing could describe how she felt towards him. He looked back again a winked. She smiled and thought "He's the one I've been looking for". She walked straight to where he was and said "Hey", but he didn't say anything. She started to feel like he is uninterested and he doesn't care, but when she was just turning around to leave, he held her by her hands tightly and kissed her. Then he asked, "Was that what you've been waiting for your whole life?".

Love someone, not something.
Use something, not someone.

Love is beautiful. no other words can describe it. It is a steaming flock of grace. It burns inside.
With passion of one day, you will hope to find it. It is beautiful. A powering gift from god.

2008-02-29T22:48:00.000-08:00

Farah's 18 surprise birthday party was great. It was touching to see her family members putting in so much effort to organise such a party especially for her. Anyways, only Nashrul, Hafiz robot, Fahmi and Jaszliana could turn up for her party. How I wish more of us could come and join in the fun. Some were caught up with work and studies and all. So understandable.

Anyways, Farah didnt expect us to come and that was GREAT!.

F A R A H said:
yohaa! i wana sleep already nw. ngantok....
F A R A H said:
hehhee
- D I C K H O U S E P R O D U C T I O N - said:
ook
F A R A H said:
u dnt sleep too late okay!
- D I C K H O U S E P R O D U C T I O N - said:
oraite
- D I C K H O U S E P R O D U C T I O N - said:
see ya soon!
F A R A H said:
SOON! make sure....
F A R A H said:
ok bye
- D I C K H O U S E P R O D U C T I O N - said:
eheh
- D I C K H O U S E P R O D U C T I O N - said:
bubuye!

This was the last conversation I had with Farah and it was hours before her party. Lied about working later, so yeah, WHITE LIE. K watever.

Upon reaching the chalet, we had to wait for the arrival of guest of honour la kan. So we waited for a few hours and digged in to some of the pastries available. Yummy-licious you noe. After waiting and eating for some time, Farah and her friends arrived and everyone started to sing her birthday song. Her brother brought along his percusiion band and started to bang on those drums as well. Damn havoc I tell you...Like orang orang iban baru habes sunat. -.-"

Anyways, first Farah did not notice us, maybe she action2 tak nampak or was still in a state of shock. We wanted to congratulate her and shake her hand, but she was looking the other way. So we stayed in that position until she turned around and...

"AHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Farah K.L menjerit. Ahaha..So yeah, it was great to be able to see her after a long time during her 18 birthday summore. After tht, it was chit chatting and eating summore.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FARAH!!

Just a few pictures of us. Anyways, thanks Farah's sister for inviting us as well. It made us feel special tau tau tau..ahaha..K guys.

Chiaow Meow.

2008-02-27T22:32:00.000-08:00

I realised something. I could save up 60 cents if I would buy Next Chill Menthol, Rather than Viceroy Menthol Lights. Cool huh?. Anyways, have been busy nowadays, with family affairs and such.

Recently, I submitted my resignation form. I think it's time for me to take a break from a hectic work life and social life. Rumors spreading like wildfire posing as a hindrance for me. Now let me update on what I had been doing this past few days.

Last week, had to travel to Kuala Lumpur to attend my cousin's wedding. Don't expect any pictures though as I am too lazy to upload them. It was great I guess. The wedding was grand as my cousin married a Lieutenant of the Malaysian Navy. Army men clad in smart white uniform while me and the family were in baju kurung and sampings. Ahaha. Anyways, on the first day, we had to attend the 'Pernikahan' and the 'Cukur Rambut Baby' Procedure. Pardon me, the baby is actually someone's else baby, not my cousin's.

Malaysians tend to get married at such a young age. My cousin is only 21 while her husband is 27. Whatever it is, I hope they have a long lasting relationship and lead a happy life together. The next day was the 'Pernikahan', and for god sake, it was fucking grand. Waiters/Waitresses are there to lay out napkins on your laps before you eat, and every table had at least 1 waiter standing beside your table. It was uncomfortable for me to eat while someone looked on.

After that trip, it was a gruelling 4 hours journey back home.............

Anyways, recently my friend gave birth to a healthy babyboy at 12.23pm on Tuesday at Thompson Medical Centre.

Happy birthday to Elfie Aeziq Mohd Shafudin!!

Such a cute baby. Congratulations bro! Make sure you take care of your wife and son well. Will help if anything were to crop up aite.

Yesterday, submitted my resignation form. Was kind of sad to leave the job as I made a lot of wonderful friends there. I'm gonna miss every single one of you guys/gals man. Keep in touch alright?

Anyways, on 19th February 2008, 5.58am, I received this SMS.

"MOE: Congrats MUHAMMED FARHAN B MOHAMED S, you are posted to NANYANG POLY, BIOMEDICAL ENGINEERING (C71) under 2008 JAE."

And fuck, I was shocked! Wat the fuck?! I applied for Experience Design at SP, and I got this course!?!

A SCIENCE COURSE?!?!..MOE you know damn well that I DESPISE science to deepest core on earth! Why?!?!..

But with the moral support from friends and family, they managed to encourage me to take up this course. They say it is a good course with a good job prospect. So, I will give it a shot.

God help me.

2008-02-10T08:53:00.000-08:00

Hey all. Sorry for not updating for this past few days or coming online to have a decent chat with some of you guys. So sorry.

You can put the blame on WORK.
You can put the blame on WORK.
You can put the blame on TIREDNESS.
You can put the blame on TIREDNESS.

Anyways, this past few days was kind of fun yet hectic and tiring all at the same time. Work aside, I have been going out quite alot too lately. Firstly, went out with the boys to shop since we received our first pay. Went to Wheelock and such wide smile across our faces.

Just NETS it baby..
Haha..I was having a hard time to figure out what I wanted to buy. When in need of money, I have alot of things which I want to get, but when I have cash in hand...Ooops, I mean in bank, I forget everything which I want.

That was on Wednesday. When I finally recovered from my stomach flu/indigestion. Damn, I seriously hate when I fall sick. So weak and useless. And when I recovered, I felt so happy and right on time to go for shopping. Everyone ditched work to go shopping. Nyehehehe.

So, I got myself a decent military hat, a long sleeved shirt and a pair of jeans. After Wednesday, it was all work. 6pm-6am for 2 days straight. That explains why I rarely came online. So yesterday, went out again. The Airport Guide Clique or AGC as we may call ourselves, went out to town yet again. Met up with them at cineleisure and played Counterstrike at E2max Level 9. After 2 hours of playing that ADDICTIVE game, we proceeded to Nana Thai to feast!

And wandered around Far East Plaza. Laughed about anything and everything and received confused stares from almost everyone too. Ahaha..All inside joke.

Blablablablbla.....

Then today, met up with the AGC for soccer at Vista Park. Even the girls played soccer. It was damn hilarious when Nadiyah tackled her own teammates repeatedly and looked so cute at the same time with her "BOB MARLEY HAIRSTYLE". AHaha..Anyways, Im so tired..So I shall just upload some pictures.

Till then.

The day we ditched work to go shopping!

Ismail and me. Trust me, I was forced to pose that way

Yes. Embuuuuunnnnnnnnnn...If only we took this by the seaside......

Naughty naughty Hadi. And again, Faheem forced me to do that. I SWEAR!

Me and FAHEEM! Ahahaha. Sorry, I don't know how to smile properly.

The three nincampoops.

Wani and me. Bebual kat telipon jeeee...

Wani and me again. This time without the phone.

Relax, shes just a friend!..

Wani, Nadiyah and Dinah(standing -.-"). See Nadiyah's hair!! Like Bob Marley rite???

Nadiyah like Cik Pon. Don;t worry, they're good friends!

And finally. The moment that Farah has been waiting for..She's so anxious just by waiting to see this picture. Want to know what? It's my new HAIRSTYLE!!

YES YES!! TELL YOUR FRIENDS BOUT IT!! IT'S A BIG DEAL!! IT'S DEFINITELY A HEAD TURNER!

You guys are gonna love it. I swear!!

Here we go...

VOILA!!!!

My new hairstyle is love. <3<3<3<3<3

Ahaha. Have a nice day guys!
Abang Berg signing out!.

2008-01-29T09:08:00.000-08:00

After countless restless nights and thoughts, I am finally relieved. Got my GCE O level results recently and thank god I've made it. All the hard work and perseverance has paid off. The encouragements and wise phrases are still ringing through my mind. I will never forget those who helped me through those hard times. Thanks a bunchies to all of you.

You know who you are.

This paragraph is specially dedicated to those who shed tears during the 24th of January. I understand that now you are really disheartened. Your results really had a huge negative impact which will be embedded for a long time. I imagine myself being in your shoes and yes, it's frustrating, devastating, demoralizing and depressing at the same time, but, I really take my hat off to those who won't give up. To those who looked at the bright side, the alternative method to overcome the situation. It maybe a hard decision to make, but it takes alot of effort for you to decide on your next unexpected step. Bite the bullet and strive for the better for yourself and those who are still supporting you mentally and physically. It maybe a longer route to success, but at least you are still making the effort to study and not to simply give up. You know yourself well that if you give up, success is more a distance. Look at it this way, you are now 1 step closer to success eventhough it should had been yours on the 24th. Maybe success wants you to gain more knowledge and experience before making a huge leap. Believe me, I am definitely afraid to get into a polytechnic. It is such a huge step and I am afraid I can't cope. Yet, I won't give up as how you people never did.

"When YOU want SUCCESS as badly as YOU want AIR, Then YOU will get it. There is no other secret of SUCCESS"

Never give up. It's not the end and it will never be if you keep on moving and never look back, which will only bring negative nostalgia moments. Quite frankly, I wasn't quite ecstatic when I got my results either. The thought of my closest friends not making it overshadowed the moment. I feel bad that they are crying while I am smiling and screaming for joy. Thats the reason why I just kept quiet when I got my Form A. I looked around and received calls which also made me feel sad too. If I won't give up on you guys, you guys shouldn't give up on me either. I will be there when you guys need moral support or whatsoever, don't hesitate.

As for me, I realized, sometimes we have to take a step back from the effects of life and enjoy the simplest things right infront of us to appreciate life better. Being dumped and all that may left me a 'broken heart', but I still look at the bright side. I have more chapters in life waiting to be unfold. I won't stick and dwell upon those situations which in time will only make me feel like crap. By doing this, I am able to lead my life better, understand it and embrace it positively. Life may hit hard, but it's up to the individual on how you dodge it and improvise. Maybe god has lifted the burden which I had to bear for almost a few years now. Being single isn't so bad either. Anyway those times with her was rather stupid I guess. She deprived me from expanding my circle of friends and such. I missed out the customary moments which I should have experienced in my secondary school days such as making more friends and successful in my CCA. But thanks to her, I wasn't able to. Now that she's gone and partying like a cheap animal in various clubs, I am thankful that I am not a day late and a dollar short to start afresh. Made more friends and etc. If she wants to lead her life that way, then let her be. That's how she gains her happiness, getting drunk and stuffs, let her be. It's her life anyways and I am not in it either, and that is DEFINITELY A GOOD THING. Lastly, I wouldnt want to spend the rest of my life with a girl whom doesn't let me to prioritize my family first.

I came out of my mum's vagina, not yours.

Anyways, tomorrow is a long day for me. I will be a relief teacher in the morning at Woodgrove Secondary and a Airport Guide during the evening. Till then..

Chiaow meow!

2008-01-17T09:39:00.000-08:00

Heylo. After 2 days of rest, today was back to work. Gosh! I can't believe I could even forget where the ATM machines are..

-________________________________________-"

Anyways, today I was posted at Terminal 3, Basement 2 along with Hadi and Naj. And our posts were so nearby. Work today is not like work, more to "Chit-chatting" and fooling around.

Basically SLACKING. Nothing much happened today, just the usual. Joked alot and laughed out loud like crazy bastards. Here are some pictures we managed to snapped during our shift.

Seriously, today I was paid to laze around. And yeah, Manfield should raise our pay for fuck sake.

Anyways.......

Stress and work has taken it's toll on me. I swear I'm gonna lose it.

xD

2008-01-15T08:14:00.000-08:00

Whoaa..

"My boyfriend is LOVE too.."

Congratulations, you have finally opened my eyes. Make me realise that your nothing but just another b*t*h. Played me like a fool and cast me like a useless bait. Never judge a book by it's cover. So now I know what was your "problem". But, whatever I did for you was sincere. I thought you had the same thoughts and feelings too, but hey, SHIT HAPPENS. If you never wanted me, you could've tell me earlier STRAIGHT UP, not by beating around the bushes. I would never hold a grudge against you, but will have a different view about who you really are. I really hope the guy you're seeing now faces the same thing as I did.

Thanks. I'm sucha sucker at this.

With full of hate and angst,
Muhammed Farhan.

2008-01-14T11:50:00.000-08:00

After 6 long days of work, I finally get my 2 days off. Haha. Let me summarize everything for you.

Everyone is friendly. Seriously.
I love the working environment.
I love my colleagues.
I love the Manfield superiors.

Almost everything is fine. No qualms about the work. Weirdly, I love going to work without knowing which terminal and who I will be posted at and with. Even the aunties and uncles there are cheerful and sociable. Made alot of friends there, even those staffs from the stores at the airport.

Let me introduce you to some of my friends.

Sasha-The girl who never fails to laugh at my silly jokes. Always tells me not to be afraid of Syairul. Ahaha.

Syairul-The guy who has an unique personality. He says I'm his 'eyecandy'. Aahah. Very talkative and hyperactive. His companionship is great!

Syazwani-The girl who roams around terminal with me. A fun girl to hang around with. Always taunts Syairul by saying "Eh Farhan aku punye la! Kau jangan nak menggatal eh!". And this causes Syairul to say "Eh u, sampai hati u permainkan hati i. Farhan, sanggup seh u..Sampai hatiiii"..Ahahaha. Funny duo who always cracks me up.

Shawn-The bookie, the soccer pundit. He could even go to Mcdonald's during his shift to use the free internet access to check out the scores. Ahah. Friendly guy too.

Sofia-Big momma. She's like an elder sister to me. She's 28 and married yawww..Cool huh..I enjoy irritating her. Ahaha.

Nadiyah Farhanah-The girl who permed her hair once she rebonded it. That explains why she has those Negro-curls, yet it looks nice on her. Her first words to me, "I'm lost...". -____-" .

Danial-My chow-keng partner. Want to go and smoke, just call him and he'll be there straight away. Popular guy in airport. Almost everyone knows him. And he has the weirdest laughter ever. Fun guy to be around with.

Olivia-Free lance model. Danial loves to hang around with her. Alot of them says she looks like Ayumi Hamasaki. Ahaha. Bubbly girl with a volatile temper. BEWARE!. And she speaks malay fluently too!

Siti-The girl who always waves at me for no reasons. Ahaha. She's in the same transport whenever I go home. Great person too.

Yasin-Got to know him today. A guy with the laidback attitude. The guy whom alot of people mistaken for a chinese yet he will reply to them, "Sorry, I'm not a malay". -____-". Always mix up his words. Ahaha. Great guy with a passion for music. The guy whom I always sends/receives music to and from.

Yeah, thats a few of them. Theres so many more that I can't seem to recall. I'm glad that I was given the oppurtunity to work at the airport. Made alot of friends there and enjoy every moment working.

But the CAAS officers are sometimes too demanding. They told us that we can't go for smokebreaks. WTH?!. And toiletbreaks are cut short to 5 minutes. We can;t even sit down for a few minutes after hours of standing and other unrealistic demands and complaints. I personally HATE AMIT SINGH. So mengada-ngada! No wonder 200 people 'cabut' kerja. Haixxx. But one thing's for sure, I'm gonna stay as long as possible working at the airport yawwww.

Now, it's time to enjoy my 2 off days! WOOhoooo!!!!!

2008-01-10T10:38:00.000-08:00

Work is boring today. Fuck, it was DAMN boring! Today I was posted to Basement 1 at Terminal 3. Was assigned to help out anyone going in and out of the carparks. For the first few hours, it was ok la..I mean 'OK' as in half fuckbored and half shivering from the coldness.

Seriously, I saw the aircon switch thingy and the temperature shown was '19.8' degrees sia!..Even my nipples grew hard and looked like Bukit Timah. And I can't feel my palms.

Had to stand there and walk around the basement for 6 hours. When I can't bear the coldness, went out for a smoke. The worst part is that, I have not eaten yet. And so you know, if you're working 6 hours shift, there is no break. Only toilet breaks, which for me means smoke breaks.

My stomach rumbled and grumbled whenever I thought about food. The thought of Mcdonald's was just above the basement...Garg!...

But overall, work is fine la. Everyone is friendly and all. Now my feets are aching. Haiyahh..I'm gonna be spending my weekends at the airport again. ahah. Till then.

2008-01-07T08:54:00.000-08:00

I'm not trying to sound hateful or anything, but I've seen many of them who has problems in their relationship and all those silly little infactuations and rejections. Sorry if I were to offend you with this post as they are not intentional. You will realise my motive for this post if you continue to read on. Anyway, they make a big fuss of that small problem, such as contemplating suicide and all those nonsense.

"Life is unfair"
"Slashing my wrists is a form of expression"
"I don't think it's worth to live anymore"

Please, bear in mind, there are bigger problems out there.

Plus, most of them are still young, most probably around my age or 2-3 years younger/older. Yes, I understand it s part and parcel of life to have your heart broken, but please, there are more bigger problems than that.

Take for example, one of my closest friend got married recently. Some of you may ask why, to cut to the chase, let's just say 'Shotgun marriage' so you are able to understand it easier. Yes, it happened out of his own flippancy and carelessness, but try and compare his problems to your problem.

Yet, he does not go around whining and crying, in fact he tries to overcome this rough patch in his life. He is juggling 2 jobs and all his hard earned money are for his baby. He works in the wee hours, comes home at around 6pm, and needs to rush to his other workplace by 9pm and work until 4am. This goes for 6 days a week and during his off day, he still manage to find time with his wife and family. Call him crazy, but I salute his endurance and peserverance. His eyebags are eminent but not as eminent as his ability to carry such a responsibility and hold a strong front. He really earned my full respect and I would do anything to help him in any way possible. He is my 'idol'. Superman. I love you dude, take care of your wife and your child in the near future. Yes, I will get you your stroller. Ahah.

"Elfie Jeffri Eaziq Mohd Shafudin". The name which he and his wife agreed on. Sucha cute name. May sound too long, but it's still nice though.

Next, let me use myself as an example. Read the next paragraph as a way to get the picture of my situation.

"An. M so sori wat has happen in our family. I appreciate your understanding and am surprised 2 c dat u r actually so matured in thinking so much dat mama is so guilty dat all of u are suffering too. Believe me dat all of u should not deserve dis kind of life. I will assure all of u dat i will mae my sons happy and deserve a better life if not sesenang sekarang. Insyallah. Watever happen we must support each other emotionally and mentally 2 overcome d current situation. I hope, insyallah life wld be better for us in d near future. Mama nak anak2 mama 2 take care of each other. Mama will face any consequeces dat is impending. I will handle all the problems with ur father. All of u need not to worry. I love all of u so much dat i dun want anything to happen to either of u. Thank you. If you need to talk to abang pls do so tapi jgn sampai gaduh. U haf to handle him with exceptional care. Make him realise his responsibilities as the eldest n be sensitive about the feelings of others. I one i can rely on u. Please. Thank you."

There you go. Yes, I had been in this situation for almost a year now. Or maybe more. I may look like I am care free and free of any problems, but I don't show it. As you noe, my mum had been in bad terms with my dad and recently had an argument with my elder brother.

She lost her cool and threw a tantrum around the house until my brother couldn't take it anymore. He left the house in a huff and shouted something which I don't wish to type out. I understand my mum is in such stress and I understand she may lose her temper once in a while. How I wish my brother could think the same way too. When my mum loses her temper and flares up on me, I just keep quiet and let her cool down and talk to her later and comfort her in any ways possible. I just have to accept it that the fate of my family have to be like this. If my parents are to divorce, then I will accept it. If both of them can;t live together under one roof, then I will accept any solutions to it. I really pity my mother. She has been hiding the problems with her and my father. I only knew about it when I finished my O-levels. Where I thought the family would go on a holiday, be happy. When I finished my O levels, my brother also finished serving his NS, my younger brother finished his PSLE and my father comes back from his UN mission overseas. I really really thought we could all go for a vacation. But...

I looked forward for us to finally have time together. Even if it is just all of us, together in the living room, watching the television together. Have dinner together and watch our favourite show together. "Pendekar Bujang Lapok". I can't recall the time we all sat together to have dinner/breakfast/etc. Or sat together in the living room and chatted about our daily experiences. Nowadays, my home is so quiet. No one talks to each other except for the siblings. I miss all the time we spent together.

I'm used to it. What worries me most is the welfare of my younger brother. He is only 12 years old and already facing such difficulty. I don't want him to end up like any other hooligans. I really care about him even if he hates me for annoying him and all. I love him the most. Even my friends are fond of him. Chubby Faizal, they would usually call him. Someone too sociable for his age. Heh. But, I will do anything to provide him the best and nothing but the best for his benefit. I always peek inside his room when he's about to go to sleep and see him sobbing. It breaks my heart to see him enduring such difficulty at his tender age. I regret the time I don't spend time with him, I regret the time for making him cry, I regret the time for hurting him, I regret everything that makes him unhappy. I just want him to have the same amount of happiness any other child his age has.

If only god would grant me a wish. I wish my family to have the same amount or even more happiness than any other healthy household. To have a loving father, a doting mother and naughty children. If only..

2008-01-01T22:44:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! TIME FOR US TO BE JOLLY AND FOLLY!

Wooo..It's the new year. No need for unrealistic resolutions such as

'I wanna lose weight'
'I wanna exercise more'
'I wanna shop less'
'I wanna avoid oily foods'

Then whats the point of saying HAPPY new year?..Hmmm..

But here's my new year's resolution.

-Forget bout that somebody.
-Smoke less (I'm kidding myself.)
-Make more friends.
-Be grateful.

Yes yes. They're just that. Anyways, my friends and I planned to go to Clarke Quay. But that fucker ELFY, wanted to go to paragon first to drop off at his workplace. Toys R' Us.

"I don't wanna grow up, dont wanna grow up, I'm a toys r us kid"

Wat kinda stupid song is that!? Stop it immediately. There are like children around. -.-"

Anyways after that, one of his friend, Wan joined us. Then we proceeded to Cineleisure. On the way there Shila(Raymie's GF) treated us to Old Chang Kee. Correct ah spelling? And there are like 13 of us there excluding Raymie and his GF.

"Aku nak crabonstik!"
"Aku nak Sardine-o!"
"Aku nak pepper-o!!"
"Aku nak sotongonstik!!"

Kecoh gilaaaaa..End up, everyone only got 1 sardine-o, pepper-o and curry-o. WTH. Stupid names. Thanks SHILA!

After that, we reached Cineleisure. Decided to play Counter-strike?..-.-"
WTH WTH WTH!
Waited for the lift like 15 donkeys and finally, reached the L9 E2Max. Luckily the manager still remembers her ex-best-hardworking-worker. Nyehehe..Dapat pon discount. Played CS for an hour while some of them played the fusball machine.
Blablablablabla, decided to proceed to Esplanade on FOOT!!?..

Blardy custard, far la siaow..Halfway there we decided to settle in at 'Giraffe'. I don't even know it existed. A jug of coke costs $9.80!!?. So we ordered that and some Singapore Slings and Sex on the beach and a BLOWJOB.

They're names of some alcoholic drinks yaw. Mind you, I didn't even take a sip.
We were laughing while they had their drinks. Looking through the perspective of them 'drinking a blowjob!'. Drink the CUM ah you guys? Horny horny ahhh...

All hornyness aside, we quickly proceeded to Esplanade. Mak kau! Packed gilersardine siol! Wanted to go up the stairs to the bridge but it was already blocked. Tried to go to the bridge behind Fullerton hotel. Also blocked. So we decided to climb the barricade and run across the bridge and slide back into the crowds at the main bridge. Haha.

SUCCESS!! dah macam pendatang haram. Eventually more pendatang harams did wat we did and the police officers on duty couldnt care less. It was chaotic la siak! Like the racial riots. More like the Maria Hertogh riot. Anyways, we squeezed ourselves through the crowds and into the bridge. We wanted to be at the centre of it so can see the fireworks better. Anyways, I can't elaborate much on the fireworks but it was AWESOME!! I will try and upload a video of it for those who missed it aite.

After all the screaming, shouting, weeeee-ing, awww-ing, we planned to grab some drinks at Marina square. The distance was short but the duration to get to Marina square wwas effing long!..All the while, I was sandwiched by banglas and their world-famous body odour. I swear I would have smelt like them if I hadn't brought my bodyspray.

Got our drinks, lepak for awhile. While lepaking, all decided to go play pool at Bugis?. OMFG la!..Far siak..I didnt realised how far we walked until I start typing about it. Dayuuummmm..Played pool and was merely laughing at how some Indians dressed up. Blardy hell. Hahaha!..Imagine having his RED HAIR, yes RED HAIR, gel up until so damn shiny, mohawked, a side-zip, bell bottomed pants and MIZUNO TRACK SHOES!! MIZUNO!!!?!?!? WTF?!?!?! SIDE-ZIP?!?!?!?? hahahahahahahhahahaha..Im still laughing about it until now.

After all that, we all chilled at Chijmes while waiting for the first train.
Timecheck, 6.15, proceeded to Cityhall MRT and board the overly packed MRT. I was asleep while standing, thats what Yan told me. Haha.

Reached home at around 7am. Took a quick shower, slept like a pig. Thats all folks. Here are the pictures for the day.

On the way to "Giraffe"

Omar and me.

At the bridge

Helloh fuckface!

At the bridge.

Jantan-jantan Gebret

CHIJMES baybehh.

The monkeys.

Aizad and me at "Giraffe"

"Today I off. Today I go countdown! I want shake2 with my friends!" - Interview with Omar the Bangla worker.

I swear this guy is FUCKING TALL!

Lets just say, more was about to join us that day.

At Marina Square. See how tall Raymie is. Tsk.

Tired faces.

Yan=Chucky.

Faizal macam Grim Reaper. Haha.

CHIJMES take 2.

We can Kawaii-ne too!

Imagine the crowd, 10 TIMES THE SIZE AND EVERYWHERE AROUND TOWN!!

Here is the video as promised. Enjoi!

Till then, I seek forgiveness from everyone whom I had hurt/insulted/disturbed bla bla intentionally or deliberately. Its a new year and we all want to start afresh. Till then. Chiaow meow!

2007-12-30T09:33:00.000-08:00

Just came back from a long day. Shafudin's wedding and BBQ. Will upload pictures of the wedding when Sharifah comes online. I'm shacked. Stay tuned for the next post of pictures.

2007-12-29T08:17:00.000-08:00

Well okay, significantly, god gave me the ability to move on and forget about things. I will now look forward and never dwell in the past. EVER.

Well today the 29th(damn, my blog clock is rosak.), went to Luqmans's gig. He's the keyboardist for the band 'ANNA JUDGE APRIL'. Listen to thir musics, support local talents. www.myspace.com/annajudgeapril.

So, woke up at 1pm. And boy, thats kinda early sia for my wakey-wakey time. Planned to meet the others at 4.30pm at Khatib MRT. So after unsuccessful attempts to tido balik, I reluctantly woke up and went to the living room. Switched on the t.v and Spongebob entertained me for like 30 minutes. After that, my dad told me to vacuum the house and mop. Bleargh..Blom mandi sia. So yala, did the chores and was sweating like siao already..

The weather damn HUMID la sia.

By the time, it was already 2.30. Still got 2 more hours to spare. Switched on the computer, chatted with Nadia for awhile and then played CS. Play like a chinese geek sampai tak teringat masa seh. Sup! sup! dah pukul 3.45. Grabbed the newpaper, a cigarette and pegi toilet.

Pegi toilet bikin apa?..Famous ANUS brownies. And mandi sekali.

Kluar toilet, time check, 4.30 liao..Kelam kabut siap2 and checked hphone.

"Where r you? I reach alrdy noe"

Wahpiangoi..Si minahrep sudah sampai kat youthpark. Padahal dah kata, I would be reaching there at around 6 the day before. KIASU SIA JERRY.

I bet she is always first in line during the Hello Kitty thingy or one of those people who rushes into the MRT and run for an empty seat like one hysterical maniac.

Being a kindsoul I am, I made an extra effort to cepat2 siap and meet the rest. Dah jumpe semuer, blablabla, sampai jugak kat somerset. Dah sampai sana, si minahrep tu plak takde. Pegi cineleisure. Apedahhh..-.-"..Saw Luqman and his bandmates, and did the routine handshakes, even to those I don't even know their name. Smiled at them but they never smile back.

Wahpiang! Kerek ah ni budak2 SCENEKIDS. Sekali aku bagiiii kannnn~...

Anyways, got to find out AJA performing at 7pm. WTH!..So we settled for a table at the kopitiam nearby. Ordered this mee soto which costs 4.50?

So MAHAL and so TAK SEDAP. Tak pedas summore. Wat the neraka sia..Takpe, asalkan kenyang.

Tiba-tiba, that Minahrep and her angkaliao appeared out of nowhere. Ahahaha. Suruh senyum tanak senyum. Weapons pon tak bawak..apela..And right after I was digging into my food, she went off to Powerhouse. So yeah, blablabla..AJA's performance started.

They were AWESOME I tell ya..Bloody hell, but somehow or rather, I prefer them on the speakers of my computer/earpiece or whatever machines you guys listen to. After their performance, Luqman joined us for pool at cineleisure. Played pool for less than an hour tetap must pay the hour rate. WTF!..

Patah balik to Youth park and watched Plain Sunset. I don't udnerstand why alot of people like P.S..I mean, their music too much psychedelic la..And even the up-tempo ones are like common. Maybe it's just me, exposed too much to different ranges of music until I can't settle for the right one. So whatever la. I still got to see Plain Sunset live.

'Yayyyyy' -.-"

Here are the pics for today.

Luqman(left) and his band's bassist, Ashruff. Don't ask me why his face like dat.

Luqman the REAL gay!

Gang Sakalaukalau one. Chong pakai pink.

Yes, yes, Pout those lips like a naughty bitch!

Luqman, Me and a guy with a hat at the back. Just kidding, thats Khuswandy. Want his number? ;)

Me and Kuzzoman. He makes Bass playing seems so easy.

Yes, Sue Singapore Press Holdings for their bad censorship!

Overall, it was a moderately great day. Nothing much happened. Enjoyed myself at Youthpark and yeah. By the way, nice meeting you Jerry/Anisah/Minahrep/Jane and thanks Luqman for the brownies. Thanks everyone who made my day. And fuck that bitch who almost ruined my day with such a SMS for no rhyme or reason.

"Eh, I can get a better guy than you if I want to la. You think you're so special?"

Wat the hell. I just hope karma will turn around and bite you.

How I wish I could just blurt out all my feelings and make you feel how you make me feel all this while.

Anyways, I will end this post with a picture of a SHAVED PUSSY. Yeah, that definitely sends tingles through your spine and make you guys especially HORNY ah..Scroll down for it yaww..

Oh yeah baby, You make me horny.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PERVERTS!!!!!!

Cause' life is not a bed of roses

2007-11-12T05:40:00.000-08:00

Arguments are inevitable in any household, but if it is of excess, everything will crumble down slowly and painfully. Every night I hear my mum crying in her room during the absence of my father. It's not because she misses him, but for some other inconceivable reason.

I would not want to publicize it.

My father still thinks I'm still 14 years short, and failed to realise that I can understand whatever is happening. My mum had a tearful conversation with me that day before being admitted to the hospital. She expressed every burden she had to carry on her shoulders for almost 24 years now; eversince her marriage. She endured every emotional and mental strains and pains she faced for the sake of her children. She doesn't want us to worry, instead she insists that we should concentrate on our studies.

It takes exceptional mental strength and endurance to go through 24 years of hardship

She's still human though. What did she do to deserve this?
If my father still wants to save the family, why isn't he budging out from his Ego-maniacal shell which he has been in throughout his whole life?

It's because of his ego, everything is left in smitterins.
He don't realise that whatever is happening is critically affected his children, especially the youngest one, who just finished his major exams and achieved 3rd in the whole level through perserverance and hard work.

He used to be last in class all the time.

But my father doesnt seem to give a damn. What a fucker.

He's a selfish individual slowly but surely sucking the lives out of every family member. He always put up this non-chalance face everyday, every minute. Why can't he show a little bit of compassion or love towards us? Especially my mum and younger brother?

Because life is never a bed of roses.

TRUE friends?

2007-08-02T22:11:00.000-07:00

TRUE FRIENDS?

With relation to the topic, I come to realise that true friends are definitely hard to come by.

What justifies the fact, that someone is indeed your true friend?

1.He/She doesnt forget about you after MAKING A NEW FRIEND.
2.He/She realises her own mistakes and doesnt think he/she is always right.
3.He/She takes the initiative to make it up to their friend if something is amiss.
4.He/She believes that both party must compromise and realise friendship is NOT A BED OF ROSES.

Well, to every story, theres a flipside. This is what, through my eyes, is a FEATHERLIGHT FRIEND.

1.He/She forgets about his/her friend in a blink of an eye once she made a new friend
2.He/She ALWAYS THINKS SHE'S RIGHT.
3.He/She ALWAYS FEELS THAT SHE IS THE VICTIM in every obstacles both parties faces.
4.He/She claims a NEW friend as a BEST FRIEND. (pfffft how pathetically stoopid!)
5.He/She comes to you only when his/her 'NEW BEST FRIEND' is not around!
6.He/She will seek symphathy from elsewhere(people whom he/she once said she would never mix around with)

So, now, I've widen the scope and friendship is not just for leisure. It needs to be handled with such exceptional care. If yu're someone who falls in the "Featherlight friend' category, I advise you to calibrate your point of views and atone for your wrongdoings. You may not realise it, but the other party does.

IF YOU DON'T REALISE IT MEANS YOU'RE DOWNRIGHT EGOISTIC!!

And secondly, STOP thinking that, you're the victim all the time! Your luck can't be that bad bitch!..

Your actions will cause a bad taste in your 'BEST' friend's mouth. Just eat your words and admit your mistakes.

For the time being, I still regard you as a B.I.T.C.H.

I love you my dearest kuih tart.

Yummeh yummeh kuih tart.

K, that was random, but I still mean it. I love you my Kuih Tart.

2007-07-10T04:08:00.000-07:00

School re-opened(again) and expected it to be mundane and boring, but significantly, I didnt feel that way. After getting my mid-year results, I am much much more motivated to study and hope it is not too late though.

Due to the release of results, many students were abated. They are filled with apathy and lost the motivations to study. Not to name any, but guys, it's just another few months of studying and then, a long stretch of holidays worth of slumber and fun!

I did REALLY BADLY for my mid-year examinations. I mean REALLY BADLY!

But I refuse to be disheartened, and someway, I am callous to all this failures but thankfully, I am motivated to study eventhough a part of me is lazy to do so.

NO MORE DALLYING AROUND!!!

I really hope my effort to pick myself up is not a day late and a dollar short. I believe all dark cloud has a silver lining. Passing my MAJOR exam is definitely not a cold day in hell.

Call me pertinacious, but I refuse to downsize my potential just because of my failures as I strongly believe that everyone have the capacity to reach their goals, no matter how disheartened you are.

Just remember this 2 idioms. A rolling stone gathers no moss and a dumb priest never got a parish. Just speak your doubts and device a lucrative schedule which has a worthwhile outcome!

STUDY!!

Today, after school, went straight to the library and studied with Zaza. Thnks for accompanying! Haha. I really appreciated it. And don't forget my Physics notes tomorrow!

Well, off to my books again! Till then!

Stress

2007-06-23T00:28:00.001-07:00

Too little time, too many imperative subjects to memorise and have it on my fingertips. I really regret for wasting my holidays away. No use for regrets now though.

Cosine rule, Sine rule, Pythagoras theorem just to name a few. During the last few days of the holiday, I started studying with just a little time left. If I were to flunk this exams, I am obviously not fulfilling my potential.

When school reopens, I will mug my ass off for the benefit for myself and the others who had put their hopes on me.

2007-06-16T08:32:00.000-07:00

After a sleepless night, thinking about the colour of my skinnies, I've decided to change it. But I was doubtful whether exchanging bought goods were possible. I didnt received any receipt for proof. So, I mustered all my courage and called the outlet at Wisma Atria and enquired.

Thank goodness it was exchangeable! Called Bob straight away and asked him to tag along. The journey was long, but the relieve to exchange the jeans was too eminent till I didnt mind the dizziness I had to bear with in the train.

Thank god! Haha..There you go!

It definitely looks better...

2007-06-15T09:39:00.000-07:00

Hey people. Its been some time since I last blogged. I've been quite busy lately, with school and stuffs. Lets start with yesterday. Went to the airport to see my father off. He has to go back to his mission as he too plays a part, being in the UN and all. He can only come back every 2 months, which is subjected to his decision. No tears yesterday, as my whole family were used to it. Our family members are rarely together at home. My brother is in the army, my dad is overseas and I am usually out. I wish we all could get together someday, and have a decent dinner as a family.

I miss all those warmth and comfort which every family should have.

I pity my mother alot. She has to juggle alot of things due to the absence of my father. Luckily, she has an exceptional strong will and perserverance. I try so hard not to cause any problems. I've been dodging many potential problems as I believe I am matured enough to think for the benefit of the family and to accept the reality whereby, I am now the man of the house. My brother is elusive and my dad is not around. Therefore, I have to act as a role model for my younger brother and ease the burden which are welded on my mother's shoudlers all this while. Sometimes, I hear her crying herself to sleep, maybe due to the lack of love at home or the stress surfacing every day.

She has alot to do, and she does all of it by herself.

Thank god she does not neglect the responsibilities as a mom and also as the housewife. Without her, the house would be in a total mess and her sons wouldn't be nurtured to be what they are today.

Anyways, today I went for a shopping spree with Zaza. Haha. For the first time, I felt tired when I'm shopping. That is so weird. Before shopping, we went o cath the movie Shrek 3. The movie would be better if only the children behind would stop crying and shouting and screaming and squirming and all those bullcrap!

SERIOUSLY......

Call them cute, but in that situation, I wouldnt be entice by their cuteness. I'm here to watch a movie you little creature! Not to waste my money, hearing your annoying voices!

After that, went shopping around town. First headed to Topman and decided that I needed a new pair of jeans. A new pair with a new style. Therefore, tried on the skinny jeans.

So yeah, got some stuffs and went home.

2007-05-26T09:12:00.000-07:00

Its 12.14am.

The rain is relentless. The dark cloud fending off much of the moon serene light, only mercifully filtering a few rays which petruded off a few clouds. The sound of crickets breaks the silence of the night while I reminisce about the past.

Every thought of her makes my heart ache, and to think of the joy she shares with someone else, definitely inconceivable. I try to set an illusion, yet I myself was endrowned into it. I can't seem to find my way out of this mind boggling abyss of lies and deceit, which I had brought upon myself. The love which was so elusive caused this downfall and all those heartbreaking moments which could definitely steer any beings off their sanity. If only I could forget about everything which I had sacrificed for and vindicate myself of this mysterious thing called 'LOVE'. I would atone for my wrongdoings, just to forget about her. Raptureness, or euphoria, it seems so distant from me. My depression is just too eminent to overcome and it keeps crawling in my skin.

2007-05-16T01:14:00.000-07:00

Sorry for not bloggin for awhile..Was busy revising though. Let me recall, what happened during this past few days.

Let's start from Monday. Had jamming session AGAIN at Rhythm Masalah. Seriously, I believe that Rhythm is the best jamming studio in Yishun despite the fact that Lee's is well known throughout Singapore. Rhythm has the latest equipments in contrast with Lee's. We had jammed a few times at Lee's, and the drumset was like BULLCRAP ahh can? The amplifiers, cymbals, high-hat, tomtom, snare and all are god damn ANCIENT sia...Haha

Ok..Then Tuesday as usual, attended school...Slogged my ass to school with the idea of rehearsals after school with makes my attendance at school worthwhile. And when it's time for rehearsals, WahhhH!! CANCELLED!!! CCB!!! Besok Talentime sia...How can like dat one lehh...So, just went off and got back home. Surprisingly, I slept earlier than expected. Slept at 7.30pm..ZzZzZzZZzZZzZzZZZzzZZZZzZ

Woke up at 4.30am and felt pissed over nothing. This is definitely strange. Haha..Since I woke up earlier than expected, packed all the necessary items for today. And yes, TODAY was talentime...I just got back from it.

The performance, personally was ok to me despite the fact everyone was soooooo nervous. Especially our lead singer. He was sweating like crazy. But kudos to him, and to my bandmates whom did exceptionally well for the performance. The rack toms and the floor toms were abit off tune but we still managd to pull it off. BUT, we didn't win though. Oh wells...At least we enjoyed ourselves. Ouh ya, my classmates and my bandmate's classmates were extremely hysterical!

They SHOUTED and Sang Along and CHEERED and all those which definitely boost our confidence, knowing that no matter what, they still support us. Haha.. They're the best. Eventhough there were a few mischaps, they didn't stop cheering.. haha.

And after knowing that our band didnt win, two of my close friends walked out of the hall..Haha..Trying to prove that we deserved to win!..Haha..They're so fucking funny siak...Well, thats vaguely about it.

Till then..

-An-

2007-05-13T05:27:00.000-07:00

The Mysterious Thing Called LOVE ......

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.

If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love him/her, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return, do not take advantage, do not cause pain.

How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.

If you fall in love with another, and he/she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame, let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time .

Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away.

Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can. There is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.

The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love.

They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.

Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into saying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do.Love always has been and always will be a mystery.

Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.

i came across someone's blog who i dont even know and i read her first post.it inspired me you know.and hopefully,it will help you people whos heart has been broken or am broken because you had to break another person's heart.

2007-05-09T00:45:00.000-07:00

Wednesday..Its 3.46pm..And I didn't went to my S.R.P(Structured Revision Programme) today. Didn't feel like it. The weather is so cooling and is much more suitable for sleeping and relaxing..Haha..

Gonna go for jamming session at around 6pm. Tomorrow's our rehearsal. Decided to play 'Seven Nation Army' by The White Stripes tomorrow only as we want to prevent the masses to know our original song. So yeah, you get the idea. To have the element of surprise by our side..Haha..What rubbish...

Today, the atmosphere in class was kind of awkward. I don't know why. The mood was lugubrious and the usually garrulous students are quiet. I believe the weather may be the reason why. Relentless rain and constant winds making all of us sleepy.

And I'm sleepy now too...zZzZZzZZZZzzZZzZZZzZzZzZ

No use for a title

2007-05-05T08:07:00.000-07:00

Today is quite a hectic day for me...Tiring too..
Well, today was supposed to watch Labah-labahman with Bob, but due to unforseen circumstances, had to cancel that plan for the day.

Went jamming at 2pm. Since our previous lead singer decided to back out, we had a hard time finding another alternative.
The new singer didn't really reach the expectation. His voice is so *BLEARGH*.

NO COMMENTS ABOUT THAT!

Rhythm masalah, Room number 3 is the sex! Seriously...
The drumset is so fucking cool...4 cymbals..Wider range for me to fill in fills and improvise on the routines. So started jamming and was abit rusty on the drums.
2 weeks never jam..Mind you..

Played the song by 'Are you gonna be my girl' by Jet. And followed by 'Suzie' by Boy kill Boy..I love this song alot!
Unfortunately, due to the new lead singer's voice, my mood was affected and the 'semangat' to play wasnt there anymore. Therefore alot of cock-ups surfaced. And the distortion for one of the guitars didn't fit into the song.
Today's jamming session wasn't really fulfilling. Left the jamming studio full of apprehension.

And Thursday is the rehearsals..
FUCK....

Oh ya, my band tried to play 'Tears dont fall' by Bullet For My Valentine. HAHA...The beats to the drums seems impossible. I must learn it somehow. Uptempo and double-pedal.....

I feel so much more better now. A huge burde has been lifted from my shoulders. I don't feel the pain and heartaches anymore. Alhamdullilah.

-An-

2007-05-04T08:15:00.000-07:00

Ok guys, Opened up a new blog for some apparent reason.
Dont want this "somebody" to read my life stories and then incriminate me....

Oh well, life has got to move on. Seriouly, whats the point crying over spilled milk?.. She's happy, so am I.

And I would really like to thank my friends who helped me during those hardship..Shak, Farah, Din, Bob just to name a few...Thanks alot guys...

School is normal eventhough there are a few awkward moments. Yet, I have to look on the bright side and realise that the grass is greener on the other side.

I've vindicated my name and I hope it stays that way and no more problems would surface. Ouh ya, my band qualified for the finals!!

YEEHAA!!!

Tomorrow is our jamming session, and hope I still know the beats to it..
Playing drums are the sex man....SERIOUS...
Thats all...

BOY KILL BOY rocks my socks!!