even though saving you sends me to heaven.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Today's post will be specially dedicated to these special individual whom I have known for almost 7 years. I still remembered our primary school days. When she was a new student who got transferred to Naval BAse Primary. She was in my class and had this blue floral bag and with her short-short hair. And her skirt was above her belly button and shirt tucked in tightly. The ironic thing is that, we never fail to get into an argument everyday. Be it about stealing her pens, copying her work, or just saying something wrong, yet we are still in contact after all this years. To think about it, Farah and her cousin Lisah are the only one whom I still keep in contact with regularly. Its great to have you as a friend. You never fail to laugh at my stupid and ridiculous jokes even when I don't even understand them. Hahah. And for the finale, here's something I would like to show you.

And he says, "I DO I DO!!!"

at 9:03 AM

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Why does it always have to be complicated when I develop such feelings for a certain individual? Why do you put me through such complications and unwanted scenarios which could derail a sane man off his sanity? Wretched his heart and embed such bitter memories that can never be forgotten. Patience may be a virtue but every one has their limits. Putting in efforts may not be a problem, but without any act of recognition or agreement would just prove the efforts to be futile. I never wanted to feel this way nor get myself into such a situation. From now on, I leave everything to time and fate. Praying to god is just a way to convince yourself that you are not alone, but in reality, you live and die alone. I want answers but I never got any. I want happiness, but it's something that we can only pursuit, never achieved. I hope things will work out soon enough, but I'm sick and tired of hoping. I hope and put in so much effort, yet there never seem to be any signs of improvement. It looks like, there will never be a solution to all these problems I have been bottling up for a long time.

Sometimes, I wish I could stop the hands of time and take a step back from reality. An oppurtunity to appreciate the true meaning of life and what it's worth. The simplest of things which could brighten up anyone's day. A day by the beach, or just sitting by an old oaktree and smoking some cigarettes. Close your eyes, listen to the beat of your body and appreciate that we survived all these years full of stress and hectic routines.

I want to fall into a deep sleep. Asleep and would not be pulled by the flow of this hectic life. Just rejuvenate. Take a long break from life. Whats life anyway?

Why are we living when we are actually living to die? We are simply dying to live. Almost everyone dies unhappy. Be it financially, emotionally, physically or all of it. The saying goes 'Nothing is perfect'. If nothing is perfect and people suffer from such imperfections, why do GOD still let that person live his/her whole life suffering? And as the saying goes 'Every problem has it's solution'. Every problem has it's solution if you have the money. Everything is about money nowadays. People starve, beg, live in cardboard boxes, singleparenthood, fall sick constantly and almost everything links to money. Those without money can't find food to eat. People who falls sick constantly, don;t have the money to get the proper medications. If you think about it, every solution involves money.

'Money can't buy you happiess'. This is a bunch of bullshit. Fuck the person who created this phrase. Bet he/she is a rich bastard who doesnt have any problems at all and just trying to be sarcastic. Fuck.

Good night fucks. Tomorrow is just another day for me to be a step nearer to death.

Labels: I spill., Negative thoughts

at 11:36 AM

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

I'm having a hard time to open up blogger nowadays.. Its not due to the malfunction of blogger.com but rather my lazyness to blog about my daily life. It's way too predictable because I do the same old routine every single day. Eventually, my routine took a drastic change. DRASTIC.

I have to wake up SUPER EARLY now for work.

Yes, yes. That drastic. It may not be as drastic as the congested traffic due to Mas Selamat's 'toiletbreak' incident, but waking up at 6.30 in the morning is definitely a pain in the arse for me lately. Maybe because I have been turning in late and waking up around 3-5pm all the time eversince I stopped working?

Anyways, eversince I stopped dragging my ass to the airport for work, I either had been slacking at home or going out till late with my friends almost every single day. I treated this reliable home of mine like a hotel and I really owe it an apology. But you can;t blame me, I've dwell deep into the holiday mood and can't find a way for me to snap out of it by 14th April. Talking about school, in a few hours time, I will be going to NYP to get myself a laptop.

Seriously, I really think I don't need a laptop. Everyone told me it is a great investment, and they may be right. Hopefully I can see the use of the laptop when I start my campus-life. Who knows, its the most important tool in a polytechnic such as how we need oxygen to live.

Now about work. Since the end of last month, I had to travel all the way to harbourfront and take the bus 57 to Keppel Road and alight at the bus stop right before Tanjong Pagar Railway Station. After that, I will have to cross the road which can take me almost 15 minutes to cross due to the heavy traffic on that long stretch of road during the morning rush hour. After that, I will have to enter this small gate, walk into the warehouse and start work as early as 9am. It usually ends at 5.30pm, but most of the time we will end at 7.30pm. Overtime. By the time I reach home, it would be around 10.15pm. Turn in at around 2am and the viscious cycle takes it's course again. That's why I have shades of greyish currypuff shapes under my eyes. Worst still, I have a pimple outbreak due to the dust and humidity in the warehouse. My hands are usually coated with dust which I would then rub my palms across my forehead to remove the sweat and in tun, caused this outbreak of pimples worst than the SARS epidemic.

Anyways, I think I will turn in now and rest for fuck sake, I only managed to get a total of 6 hours sleep this past few days. Good morn'/night my mates!

at 9:38 AM