even though saving you sends me to heaven.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Meet my brother. Muhammed Faizal. It's been a while since I've seen him. For some reason, the family have been living seperately lately. I just want to say that I miss him.

This picture is taken by Farah Rashid, when I tested my webcam on her. This was a couple of months back and Farah had a major crush on Faizal. Haha!

I just want the whole family back together which seems impossible now. :/

at 11:51 AM

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

I find it abit torublesome to log into blogger without ticking the 'remember me' box the last time I logged in. I have to type out my email, which is SUPER long and password. So today, I ticked the 'remember me' box! Yay!! -.-"

Today, let's talk about something which we can never live without. Something which is extraordinary and special. Without it's existence, we all will be lonely individuals with a mundane lifestyle. I'm talking about friendship. Friends are always there whenever you need company or a listening ear. When we run into hardship, those who stayed by your side and overcome the obstacle are indeed TRUE friends. To make friends is easy, but to find these certain individuals are definitely hard but worth the effort. They stay by you through thick and thin and motivate you morally, emotionally or physically. For me, I don't call them close friends, I simply call them FRIENDS.

The word before 'friend' don't matter to me. You may call them your 'BESTIES' or 'HAPPYPILLS' or '*insertcutename* friend' but for me, it's simply 'friends'.

Because I know they don't care what I may call them as they already know that we have a strong friendship and no words can describe it. It's simply inconceivable. Plus I am thankful to have met these kindsouls who helped alot in my social life and studies. I remember there was a time whereby I wanted to give up on my studies, but they gave me an earful of vulgarities yet motivating words which kept me going. If I were to show any sign of giving up, they are always there to push me off the ground and help me back on my feet. Eventhough we may have our difference and get into a heated argument once in a while, we never fail to reconcile and forgive each other. Nobody is perfect but we try to make corrections and make up for our mistakes. Trade advices and be a better person. First of all, let me introduce you to

SHAFUDIN

I knew him since Secondary 1. We used to argue everyday in class over petty matters. A person who never gives up. When in times of hardship, he always tries his best to overcome it with any possible solution. Eventhough he is going through alot right now, I admire his extraordinary effort to make ends meet. He juggles work, school, family and friends 24/7. Something special about him is that he never change a single bit eventhough he is facing a massive amount of stress right now. He can crack silly jokes and laugh like a hyena like how he used to. Never call him fat because he will whoop your ass if you do. =P Full of confidence which motivates him to work and strive harder and I would not be surprise to see him as a successful person in the near future. Next up

BOB & SHIKIN

I purposely uploaded a picture of them together. The reason being, they never fail to argue everytime we meet up. Let's talk about Bob first. A person who loves to make slapstick jokes and laughs to himself while everyone is still figuring out his joke. He is my lepak-kaki and if I were to lepak, he will always be there with me. Has a heart of gold and a volatile temper but knows how to control it. Eventhough we had our differences, we never fail to get along so well. Never gives up, and always asks me for advices. Quick to pick himself off the ground and move on. A massive RICE-EATER and hates fast food restaurants =P. Shikin is a very assertive person in a good way. Very outgoing and bubbly. Has a very matured point of view. Figures things out quickly and can live independently. Strives for the best and only the best. A very generous and humble person. Always ready to help those in need. Only thing, she doesnt know how to 'dress up' as a girl. Bo-chap! But we can see she is trying her best to change her dressing which is defintely a blessing! Haha!

There you have it. 3 of my friends. And am thankful for it.

Last but not least, I wanted to post up a drawing of me done by Syafiqah d/o Abdul Rahman but I received the file on the desktop pc! Dang! haha! Will upload it with a few other drawing sessions we had during times of boredom.

*pinkypromise*

Till then.

at 9:58 AM

Thursday, June 19, 2008

No idea why I uploaded that picture. But somehow or rather, I like the picture. How the blurriness can hide my inconceivable flaws!

Anyhoooos....

"Doesnt mean your eyes are open, you can see"

Yes, something about this phrase got me wondering. Almost everyone in this world think they know everything. They claim that they are 'experienced' and have been through various walks of life. Yeah right.

Have you been to third world countries? Where poverty is spelled eminently everywhere? Where children as young as 5 carries the burden of a 25 years old?

Or have you gone through complicated hardships that looks as if there is no way to overcome it?

I know I don't. Yet there are some people out there who claimed they do. People who lives in comfort and lead a normal life. The problem they talk about is their 'complicated lovelife'. Pfft. Just because they are going through a rough patch in their relationship, they feel like the world is crumbling down and it's eating them alive. Slashed their wrists, seek attention while people look on and scoff.

Moving on. Let's talk about stress. Stress is always there for us. It seems as if stress has something unpleasant in store for us. When we come to the point of breaking down due to a massive amount of stress, we simply give up. I know how it feels to go through the challenges of stress, so does everyone else. We can never avoid it, and in my point of view, stress can be converted to something positive. Use stress as a factor which motivates us. Motivates us to strive harder, work harder and achieve something worthwhile, through hard work and effort, we can definitely get what we want within our grasps. It basically boils down to how we react. approach and overcome stress.

I admit, I always give up so easily. When something hard crops up, either I procrastinate or come up with various ridiculous reasons to avoid it. As time goes by, the problems build up and eventually, I will have to face a BIGGER amount of stress. For example, an important test is coming up, and I 'decided' to study. Once I turned on the computer, and my eyes are glued to the screen, I said,

"Tomorrow then I would study. Promise."

And unsurprisingly, this vicious circle repeats again and again till the very day before the exam. Thats where I would panic and screw up everything. When I fail the test, I get dissapointed, give up, feel like cowshit without realising the fact that I did not even put in any effort for the test. The effort I put in was, last minute mugging, which NEVER HELPS at all. Ironically I still had the cheek to say,

"Ehhh. How come I fail sia? I study whattt!"

If I could, I would slap myself countless times, wake myself up from the lies I've been endrowning myself in just to feel 'right'. Haha.

Therefore readers, nothing is impossible. Challenges in life are inevitable, stress is unavoidable, but putting in effort seems to be kinda elusive don't ya think? There is no secrets to success. It's all HARD WORK and PERSEVERANCE.

Still signed in MSN? Chatting with friends? Have an upcoming tests or presentation soon? Get ya butt off the chair and do what you need to do!

at 2:17 AM

Monday, June 16, 2008

I don't mean to sound bland, but there's some people I do not know, do come by my blog and read it. I'm not saying that's bad, but thats a relief for me. Knowing that there ARE people reading my blog and appreciating the materials I write about. Thanks!

Do drop by again and leave your bloglink if possible.

Anyways, back to my mundane-lukewarm life. I was like alive for only half a day for today. Woke up at 3pm due to the fact that I slept at 5am? Wondering what I did during the wee hours of the morning? Basically, made a new friend who is hyper-active like an Energizer Bunny. Chat about being superheroes and sidekicks and all those unlikely topics to start off with an acquaintance. Since both of us can't shut our eyes for our 40 winks, we chatted till our fingers feel like detaching themselves from the palms. Great knowing you Syafiqah binti Abdul Rahman A.K.A Macho-misai-girl.

Anyways, once I woke up, I felt the urge to watch Undercover brother. Random, I know. After the movie, I nearly forgot that I have yet to bathe. Ok, here comes the 'FUN' part, or whatever you diabolical, satanic individuals call it!!

After scrubbing my body till the skin turned red, I reached for the shampoo. Pumped out the shampoo from the dispenser and applied it to the hair and scrub scrub the scalp and whatever. While scrubbing the hair, I realised something is wrong.

"Why is it so frizzy when I scrub my hair?"

Then the smell of FAB invaded my nostrils. The white bubbles felt so oily around my forehead. Only did I realised, the dispenser contained FAB, instead of PANTENE PRO-V! My mum used that once-empty dispenser to fill in the FAB for whatever the reason may be, I will never know. My mum is weird, I know.

On that moment I felt as if, my hair is my Wednesday boxers or maybe my soccer socks. So I quickly ran out of the bathroom, and grabbed the other shampoo from the other toilet and washed the hair. I mean WASH as in, I shampoo-ed my hair for like 3 times?? And unfortunately, the FAB smell didnt go away, but it does smell nice somehow. I swear I will unscrew the shampoo dispenser next time and check what actually is inside of it. Take a huge whiff of smell, and if it smells like my ordinary PANTENE PRO-V, issallgood!

"Abang, asal rambut bau mcm washing machine?"

That's what my lil brother asked me. And this is what I replied.

"Oh, tadi shower rosak, jadi abang cuci rambut pakai washing machine ah."

And that poor boy believed what I said, even through my sarcasm, he gave a huge. "OHHHHHHH". Love that boy. Haha.

With my lil brother in thought, what's up with young malay boys nowadays? Why become such delinquents and stupid? The way they dress, I can see they are already mixing with bad companies. Tappered pants, checkered slip-ons, striped cardigan and tilted trucker caps. The thing that keeps me wondering is, why do this younglings want to dress up that way? Like seriously, wearing tappered pants on a warm day burns the leg-hairs off in a few seconds. If any of my lil brother's pants were to be tappered, I swear I will rip it up and ask him to stay home to study. I love to call this little matreps, 'MINI-MAT'..They will grow up to be such delinquents and taint the Malay community. People like this, such as 'MATREPS' are the reason why other races have become so stereotype about us Malays. I don't blame them for hating us either. Tell me, 99.99% of the self-made-amateur pornclips circulating through bluetooth are done by Malays, yes? Thats just 1 example, you can go figure the other factors out yourselves.

But! BUT! Not all malays are like that. Thats all I can say to the people who hate our community. I wish I could, if people stop mistaking me as a Chinese dude.

About the pornclips, I find them un-stimulating. Like the thought of the girl being so cheap and agreeing to be videotaped while she sucks on lollipop is just too perverse. SEX doesn't come cheap. It should come together with love and mutual recognition from both parties. It should also be done behind closed doors and not to let everyone know you boned someone. Seriously, whenever I see this pornclips, it just disgust me and it is a disgrace to the community. OUR community.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not gay or anything, but I'm just talking bout the principle of it.

Till then. Take care and don't forget to put on the toothpaste before brushing your teeth!

at 10:29 AM

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Spent the whole day at Simpang Bedok with nenek, mom and my lil bro. Seriously, I was just too bored at home. Nothing exciting happened though.

Just a random post. Being single has it's ups and downs. The advantages are, there are no strings attached and we can do whatever we want to. Without the feeling of guilt and your conscience creeping up to you from time to time. You can expand your circle of friends without someone to nag at you and go through the typical inquisition which always questions your loyalty and honesty. At the same time, even with this freedom, we tend to get lonely. Your handphone never beep as much as how it used to when you had someone in your life. You have no one to send you a simple good morning message or a simple sms such as,

'Hey dear! Watya doin? Hafya eaten yet?'

I kinda miss those old days. When I usually get myself into silly arguments with her over a small matter such as why I did not reply her messages and she thinks I was with another girl. It sounds silly, but that just shows how much she really loves me. I swear, I never took advantage of her trust.

But sometimes, I am happy to be single. I have more time for myself. Yet recently, I always feel lonely especially when you're alone at home. I had this random conversation with my close friends, and they told me to start dating or find someone. What they don't understand is, it is hard nowadays to find a love one. They said, my way of life is unhealthy and maybe if there is someone in my life, she could help it. I don't mean unhealthy as in I go for late night clubbings, drinkings, womanizing, but unhealthy as in, doing unneccesary stuffs when I get bored or lonely. It might be me, but girls who have plenty of guyfriends is a huge turnoff for me. They are so full of themselves. Unfortunately, there is someone out there whom I tried to have a shot at.

I met love, we shook hands and he pointed the middle finger at me when I turned around.

So I got over this as I feel betrayed and foolish. How could I jumped off blindly? She knows I'm the type of person who is quick to get 'attached' to someone. With that in thought, she took advantage and played me out, and she's not the first one too.

That's why, its hard for me to find someone. Someone right.

at 12:16 PM

Please don't cry
You know I'm leaving here tonight
Before I go I want you to know that there will always be a light

And if the moon had to runaway
And all the stars didn't wanna play
Don't waste the sun on a rainy day
The wind will soon blow it all away

So many times I'd planned
To be much more than who I am
And if I let you down I will follow you 'round until you understand

That if the moon had to runaway
And all the stars didn't wanna play
Don't waste the sun on a rainy day
The wind will soon blow it all away

When the days all feel the same
Don't feel the cold or wind or rain
Everything will be okay
We will meet again one day
I will shine on, for everyone

So please don't cry
Although I leave you here alone this night
Where ever I may go how far I don't know
But I will always be your light

That if the moon had to runaway
And all the stars didn't wanna play
Don't waste the sun on a rainy day
The wind will soon blow it all away

When the days all feel the same
Don't feel the cold or wind or rain
Everything will be okay
We will meet again one day
I will shine on, for everyone
When the days all seem the same
Don't feel the cold or wind or rain
Everything will be okay
We will meet again one day
I will shine on, for everyone

at 3:39 AM

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Nowadays I'm feeling nostalgic. Some of us may have sweet flashbacks but all of mine are not as beautiful as a bed of roses. I'm forever blacking my lungs out by the thought of it. Those last words you said to me seems to be embedded in my mind. And I congratulate you for it.

Those words had a huge negative impact on me. It really affected my social life and self-esteem for quite some time, but I managed to pick myself up, get a hold of myself and force myself forward. You had your million ways to be cruel and I never seem to get enough of it. I tried to make things work even in such a situation, but you can't seem to appreciate it.

Anyways, today was a hectic day for me. Woke up early, and went for a soccer tournament. Too bad we lost, but we did had fun. After that, is back to the studio with the band to work on our original. I must say, it sounds great, and so does some of my friend. Will upload a raw version of it when we finish recording it. Someway or another, drumming makes me feel happy. Everything doesn't seem to matter when I groove to the beat of a certain music. Something about this passion and the band makes me feel different and elated.

Just a random topic. During the soccer tournament, my team-mates and I had a conversation about our 'dream girl'. May it be about what kind of hairstyle or apparels the girl love to wear, the smell of their perfume or the tone of their skin. In case you're wondering, this is what I had to say about my 'dream girl'.

"I like her to be quite fair. Tanned would be fine too. Have this curlywurly puffypuffy hair, somewhat like Alicia Keys in her 'no one' music videoclip. Have this chinese look so people will mistaken us for a chinese couple. A 3/4 floral skirt and a pair of slip on shoes. A cute headband to hold up her puffy hair would make her look adorable which goes well with a simple t-shirt of tanktop. Plus, she must love me for who I am and not for what she wants me to be, appreciate the fact that I am trying my best to provide and care for her and for our relationship's benefit."

It sounds a bit far-fetched but the topic IS about your DREAM girl. Come to think of it, I saw this dream girl once at the airport when I was working there. She looks sweet and adorable. With the headband and everything on. She had her grandma's arm clipped to her arm. How sweet is that?

Well, like gravity keeps everyone's feet on the ground, I have to accept the fact that in life, you can't always get what you want.

Life's a bitch anyways.

at 11:51 AM

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Holidays are comin up soon! woooo..I will definitely get back those hours of sleep I sacrificed.

Damn you HUMAN ANATOMY AND PHYSIOLOGY TEST!!

I am bored. Therefore I will do my revision of the topics I need to know here. If you are not interested, please press the cross button at the top right hand corner of your screen.

1.Synovial Joints

-There are 6 types of synovial joints.

1.Gliding joint
2.Hinge Joint
3.Ball and socket joint
4.Pivot Joint
5.Saddle Joint
6.Condyloid Joint

Gliding joint
Eg. The carpals of the wrist.
Description- It allows a wide variety of movement but not much distance it is restricted by the surrounding ligaments.

Hinge Joints
Eg. The elbow joint between the humerus and ulna.
Description- This joint acts like a door hinge. It allows flexion and extension in one plane.

Pivot Joint
Eg. The elbow between radius and ulna.
Description- One of the bones rotates around the other. In this case the radius rotates about the ulna.

Condyloid Joint
Eg. The wrist.
Description- A condyloid joint is where 2 bones fit together with an odd shape. One bone is concave and the other is convex. It permits flexion, extension, abduction, adduction, circumduction but no axial rotation.

Saddle Joint
Eg. The thumb. Between the metacarpal and carpal.
Description- Saddle joints represents a saddle. It permits flexion, adduction, abduction, circumduction, extension but no axial rotation. Same as condyloid joint.

Ball and Socket Joint
Eg. The shoulder or hipjoints.
Description- The ball-shaped surface of one bone fits into the cuplike depression of another. This allows the bone to rotat 360 degrees. This joint permits the most movement of bones.

2.Muscle Tissues

There are 3 types of muscle tissues.
-Skeletal muscle.
-Smooth muscle.
-Cardiac muscle.

Skeletal muscle
-Anchored by tendons to the bones.
-Help in locomotion and maintaining posture.
-The shape of muscle is elongated and cylindrical shape.
-The nucleus is at the centre.

Smooth muscle
-It is found within walls of these organs.
-Eg. Oesophagus, bladder, uterus and respiratory tracts.
-Allows expansion and contraction easily.

Cardiac muscle
-It is found only in the heart.
-The muscle is striated. Arranged in regular, parallel bundles.
-Connects at branching, irregular angles.

3.Epithelium tissues

There are different kinds of epithelium tissues. Different shapes and sizes as well. Different tissues for different parts of the body.

Squamous
-Flat and irregular flattened shape.
-Can be found at kidneys and major cavities of the body.
-Has minimal barrier to diffusion.
-Nucleus is at the centre.

Cuboidal
-Width of tissue is same as height.
-Nuclues is at the centre.
-Forms smallest duct glands and many kidney tubules.

Columnar
-The tissue is taller than it is wide.
-Nucleus is close to the base of the cell.
-Can be found in the small intestines.

Transitional
-This is a special type of epithelium
-Can be found in stretchable organs such as the bladder.
-When this epithelium is distended, it seems like it has a few layers.
-When it is contracted, it seems to have alot of layers.

!!WTF!!

Thats it for now. I will revise through it again and get my rest. Till then.

at 11:11 AM

Monday, June 2, 2008

Just a random thought. Some girls just love attention. Just because they have thousands of friends in their friends-list in friendster, they experiment on these pathetic guys 1 by 1 and see who fits. Also, this maybe one of their ways to overcome their heartache over a bad experience. That is just unfair for these guys, even how stupid or gullible they are.

Do you really know those thousands of friends in your friendster? And when someone adds you up, you post comment such as this.

"Hey there! Nice pics! New friends are love! Talk soon!"

"Hey! Thanx for the add! *insert nick* always love new friends! *insert nick* hope to chat with you soon! *insert stupid smiley here*

Fuck your new friends are love!
Fuck your "cutekawaiiwannadoodee* nickname!
Fuck your ways of seeking attention!
Fuck your stupid pictures!
Fuck your stupid eyebrows!
Fuck your disgusting *oops can see my cleavage* pictures!

Fuck you!!

Thats all. Fuck you if you happen to be part of this demoralizing, disgusting, stupid and pathetic species of degenarates formed in the rectum and out from the anus.

at 4:19 AM

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Absence makes the heart grows fonder towards the certain individual.

And indeed it does. We tend to be reckless and uncareful nowadays. We follow our feelings and take regretful actions that really wretch the heart. No point crying over spilled milk nor regretting about your actions, because nothing can turn back the hands of time. It's too late to apologize and win that someone over. Now, all we can do is to hope for the better for that individual.

She has moved on. She found serenity and love in someone else. Someone who would be there to catch her teardrops and console her in times of need. Someone who would love her as much or even more than how I used to love her. Please forget all about me. Don't tell me that I will always have a place in your beautiful heart. I don't belong nor deserve to be dwelling there. You deserve someone better. I hope he would always be by your side and would not treat you as badly as how I did. I should have spared a thought for your feelings before, but I was too selfish and blind to do so. You were my everything. Your generous heart, your flawless beauty, your child-like cuteness, your unforgettable smile, your soothing voice and how you drew me into your world. We shared your world and everything seems perfect. We could sit all day long and hug so tightly and never want to let go.

How I wish there would still be hope for me in this game called love. The deceptive game which tricked countless of innocent souls to throw their dice of fate and try to manage the outcome. May it be bad or good, we are all still naive and gullible to play this game. Even after a loss, we still throw our fate blindly. It seems as if we never learn our lesson. But love has a weird way to entice you back to it's game. Face it, we are all too naive.

Love should be serene. Something which we all should embrace whole heartedly and never have second thoughts about it. If you still have someone lingering on your mind yet another by your side, do forget the imaginary one. The one who is willing to wait for you should never be neglected. If you keep on thinking about that individual, then evaluate the situation. Is he really worth thinking about? What about him that makes you think of him/her?

He has broke your heart once, are you willing to let him do that again? Move on, be merry. You have someone by you already. It would not be unfair for him either. Let's just leave things as that. Imagine I never exist in your life. I am just a fading memory which you would replace with new ones. Do not give in to your feelings easily either. I am not worth your thoughts and tears. You teared more than enough times for me already. I do not want to do that again. I'm sorry. Move on and realise the grass is always greener on the other side.

It is best you leave while I stay and count countless stars.

at 11:31 AM