I'm not trying to sound hateful or anything, but I've seen many of them who has problems in their relationship and all those silly little infactuations and rejections. Sorry if I were to offend you with this post as they are not intentional. You will realise my motive for this post if you continue to read on. Anyway, they make a big fuss of that small problem, such as contemplating suicide and all those nonsense.

"Life is unfair"
"Slashing my wrists is a form of expression"
"I don't think it's worth to live anymore"

Please, bear in mind, there are bigger problems out there.

Plus, most of them are still young, most probably around my age or 2-3 years younger/older. Yes, I understand it s part and parcel of life to have your heart broken, but please, there are more bigger problems than that.

Take for example, one of my closest friend got married recently. Some of you may ask why, to cut to the chase, let's just say 'Shotgun marriage' so you are able to understand it easier. Yes, it happened out of his own flippancy and carelessness, but try and compare his problems to your problem.

Yet, he does not go around whining and crying, in fact he tries to overcome this rough patch in his life. He is juggling 2 jobs and all his hard earned money are for his baby. He works in the wee hours, comes home at around 6pm, and needs to rush to his other workplace by 9pm and work until 4am. This goes for 6 days a week and during his off day, he still manage to find time with his wife and family. Call him crazy, but I salute his endurance and peserverance. His eyebags are eminent but not as eminent as his ability to carry such a responsibility and hold a strong front. He really earned my full respect and I would do anything to help him in any way possible. He is my 'idol'. Superman. I love you dude, take care of your wife and your child in the near future. Yes, I will get you your stroller. Ahah.

"Elfie Jeffri Eaziq Mohd Shafudin". The name which he and his wife agreed on. Sucha cute name. May sound too long, but it's still nice though.

Next, let me use myself as an example. Read the next paragraph as a way to get the picture of my situation.

"An. M so sori wat has happen in our family. I appreciate your understanding and am surprised 2 c dat u r actually so matured in thinking so much dat mama is so guilty dat all of u are suffering too. Believe me dat all of u should not deserve dis kind of life. I will assure all of u dat i will mae my sons happy and deserve a better life if not sesenang sekarang. Insyallah. Watever happen we must support each other emotionally and mentally 2 overcome d current situation. I hope, insyallah life wld be better for us in d near future. Mama nak anak2 mama 2 take care of each other. Mama will face any consequeces dat is impending. I will handle all the problems with ur father. All of u need not to worry. I love all of u so much dat i dun want anything to happen to either of u. Thank you. If you need to talk to abang pls do so tapi jgn sampai gaduh. U haf to handle him with exceptional care. Make him realise his responsibilities as the eldest n be sensitive about the feelings of others. I one i can rely on u. Please. Thank you."

There you go. Yes, I had been in this situation for almost a year now. Or maybe more. I may look like I am care free and free of any problems, but I don't show it. As you noe, my mum had been in bad terms with my dad and recently had an argument with my elder brother.

She lost her cool and threw a tantrum around the house until my brother couldn't take it anymore. He left the house in a huff and shouted something which I don't wish to type out. I understand my mum is in such stress and I understand she may lose her temper once in a while. How I wish my brother could think the same way too. When my mum loses her temper and flares up on me, I just keep quiet and let her cool down and talk to her later and comfort her in any ways possible. I just have to accept it that the fate of my family have to be like this. If my parents are to divorce, then I will accept it. If both of them can;t live together under one roof, then I will accept any solutions to it. I really pity my mother. She has been hiding the problems with her and my father. I only knew about it when I finished my O-levels. Where I thought the family would go on a holiday, be happy. When I finished my O levels, my brother also finished serving his NS, my younger brother finished his PSLE and my father comes back from his UN mission overseas. I really really thought we could all go for a vacation. But...

I looked forward for us to finally have time together. Even if it is just all of us, together in the living room, watching the television together. Have dinner together and watch our favourite show together. "Pendekar Bujang Lapok". I can't recall the time we all sat together to have dinner/breakfast/etc. Or sat together in the living room and chatted about our daily experiences. Nowadays, my home is so quiet. No one talks to each other except for the siblings. I miss all the time we spent together.

I'm used to it. What worries me most is the welfare of my younger brother. He is only 12 years old and already facing such difficulty. I don't want him to end up like any other hooligans. I really care about him even if he hates me for annoying him and all. I love him the most. Even my friends are fond of him. Chubby Faizal, they would usually call him. Someone too sociable for his age. Heh. But, I will do anything to provide him the best and nothing but the best for his benefit. I always peek inside his room when he's about to go to sleep and see him sobbing. It breaks my heart to see him enduring such difficulty at his tender age. I regret the time I don't spend time with him, I regret the time for making him cry, I regret the time for hurting him, I regret everything that makes him unhappy. I just want him to have the same amount of happiness any other child his age has.

If only god would grant me a wish. I wish my family to have the same amount or even more happiness than any other healthy household. To have a loving father, a doting mother and naughty children. If only..