Why does it always have to be complicated when I develop such feelings for a certain individual? Why do you put me through such complications and unwanted scenarios which could derail a sane man off his sanity? Wretched his heart and embed such bitter memories that can never be forgotten. Patience may be a virtue but every one has their limits. Putting in efforts may not be a problem, but without any act of recognition or agreement would just prove the efforts to be futile. I never wanted to feel this way nor get myself into such a situation. From now on, I leave everything to time and fate. Praying to god is just a way to convince yourself that you are not alone, but in reality, you live and die alone. I want answers but I never got any. I want happiness, but it's something that we can only pursuit, never achieved. I hope things will work out soon enough, but I'm sick and tired of hoping. I hope and put in so much effort, yet there never seem to be any signs of improvement. It looks like, there will never be a solution to all these problems I have been bottling up for a long time.


Sometimes, I wish I could stop the hands of time and take a step back from reality. An oppurtunity to appreciate the true meaning of life and what it's worth. The simplest of things which could brighten up anyone's day. A day by the beach, or just sitting by an old oaktree and smoking some cigarettes. Close your eyes, listen to the beat of your body and appreciate that we survived all these years full of stress and hectic routines.

I want to fall into a deep sleep. Asleep and would not be pulled by the flow of this hectic life. Just rejuvenate. Take a long break from life. Whats life anyway?

Why are we living when we are actually living to die? We are simply dying to live. Almost everyone dies unhappy. Be it financially, emotionally, physically or all of it. The saying goes 'Nothing is perfect'. If nothing is perfect and people suffer from such imperfections, why do GOD still let that person live his/her whole life suffering? And as the saying goes 'Every problem has it's solution'. Every problem has it's solution if you have the money. Everything is about money nowadays. People starve, beg, live in cardboard boxes, singleparenthood, fall sick constantly and almost everything links to money. Those without money can't find food to eat. People who falls sick constantly, don;t have the money to get the proper medications. If you think about it, every solution involves money.

'Money can't buy you happiess'. This is a bunch of bullshit. Fuck the person who created this phrase. Bet he/she is a rich bastard who doesnt have any problems at all and just trying to be sarcastic. Fuck.


Good night fucks. Tomorrow is just another day for me to be a step nearer to death.

Labels: I spill., Negative thoughts